I've had a busy few days lately and that includes joining the gym. I've got sixteen months for the price of 12 and no joining fees so I figure while I've got some money, why not! I need to get out of the house and get into some sort of routine and I desperately need to get strong again. My muscles have wasted away so badly that I could only manage four minutes on the bike for the fitness test and my legs were aching and wobbly most of the afternoon and evening and I was so tired after just that and a few sit ups! Mind you I did have a rotten head cold at the time.
My lung function and BMI are fine, needless to say my muscle strength and everything else is rotten including my body fat ratio. Still, not much point going if it's all good is there! At least I'll get to see how much I've improved in a few months.
I've got a few more appointments for February now:
6th Feb - scan to check there are no new tumours (small sentence, BIG DEAL)
11th Feb - pre op checks (assuming no new tumours discovered else the op is off)
19th Feb - appointment with surgeon for a "visual" check on the joins and j-pouch
22nd Feb - surgery and a very UNtearful farewell to PTW
In the meantime I'm filling my days with gym appointments. I had to do my program plan in two sessions because of my cold - I nearly passed out after 5 minutes on a sit down bike and 5 minutes on the rower. I was just stood on the cross trainer and oooer missus I got the shakes and hot and cold sweats and had to go for a sit down. I had drunk nearly half my litre bottle of water by this point too so it wasn't dehydration.
I finished the plan off today with the trainer and went through which weight machines I can use to start with and she showed me some floor exercises to do - some with a giant ball - which will also help to strengthen my abs and legs since these are the weakest areas after lying around for the last year. I felt much better today and did a few lengths in the pool and too Phoenix with me - he persuaded me to sit in the spa which was GREAT! Never been in one before but it was lovely and warm and my hands and feet were much less "fizzy".
Despite having been out on Saturday night with Team Ferrer et al. I felt pretty good and had a very healthy salad with smoked salmon and feta cheese.
Monday I've booked in for a relaxation/toning class (all classes are included in membership) and Thursday for aquarobics in the evening and I'll do the gym on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday. It's a good set up because you can book any of the classes up to five days in advance and don't have to go to the same ones at the same time or even day so less chance of getting bored or missing anything.
I've got four weeks before surgery and I want to do something constructive. This year is all going to be about getting BETTER. Last year was killing cancer, this year I'm recovering from it. Unfortunately that means returning to work but I'm hoping that will be easier if I'm fitter before I go back.
I talked to my boss on Friday to make sure that going back part time was an option (they have to try to accommodate me, it's the law) so that's all sorted. I managed to have a chat with most people I wanted to see, those who haven't left at least! I got a lovely pep talk from G***** and a hug (that was the best bit) who's had way too much cancer and death in his family already and told me back in the days before Tyson was discovered that "cancer is going to be scared sh*tless when it realises who it's up against, it'll give up". He also told me I'm the only woman he knows who has bigger balls than him...............ahem. I hope he meant metaphorically and that my bag wasn't just a bit too full!
I'm off to bed now at a reasonable hour for a change - must get up in plenty of time so I'm not late for class tomorrow.
Showing posts with label stoma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stoma. Show all posts
Sunday, 27 January 2008
Sunday, 20 January 2008
2007 Aug 10th - Side Effects
Friday, August 10, 2007
| OOOO LOOK! A two nosed dog!
Xingu is said to be intelligent and fond of salty biscuits..........erm I consider myself fairly intelligent and I too am fond of salty biscuits...........cripes I'd better check the mirror in case I've got two noses! Maybe it's another weird side effect of chemo  .I think I'm feeling better today - trawling the BBC website for interesting stories is not the behaviour of a sick person is it? Hands froze up this morning because I used a Simple face wipe - it was cold. Feet behaving MOST of the time unless I go upstairs.........which I had to rush to do a few minutes ago - my stupid bottom forgets it's redundant and gives me "urges". I also seem to have some minor blockage going on above my stoma which is causing some twinges of discomfort, drinking plenty of hot peppermint tea in the hope to avoid hospital..........always something isn't there? I don't feel sick today, in fact I've forgotten to take tablets so hopefully I won't need them! Prevention better than cure with those things. 15:08 - 6 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove |
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| Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala  |
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| Billy Bollockchops   |
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| Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala |
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2007 Jun 26th - Post Op Surgeon Appt.
26 Jun 2007
 | Surgeon's visit Yesterday I had my stitches out. Nice district nurse came and donned plastic pinny, gloves and a pair of tweezers. She tackled the big loop from my belly button to above the lady bits and cut it........then tugged (I did lots of deep SLOW breathing and meditated on a spot on mum's spare room ceiling) then paused as it hurt, this went on several times as inch by inch the blue nylon came out  oooo it did not feel nice. The smaller loop was easier as it was only a couple of inches long and straight. Felt quite wibbly afterwards!I have today completed exemption form for prescriptions and nice lady Shirley at mum's surgery (temp resident again at my old surgery whilst staying at Mum's Private Hospital, hurrah) stamped it for me (she's allowed) and posted it first class. Considering the disabled badge application now as I went to see my lovely surgeon today.......... Tyson's two kids (Beavis and Butthead) who were growing in my lymph nodes (big enough to be on scans) were still bloody there when they did the op. Therefore I get to keep PTW for next lot of chemo which will be 4 to 6 months worth (blood checks every fortnight could mean it takes longer). Surgeon reckons I'll be well enough for reversal around March 2008. He really is such a lovely man, he said I'd been a really good patient and it had been a pleasure to treat me. He also did me a massive favour which I can't really publicise - but all I can say is, it was entirely his decision and purely down to him being a truly lovely man. Needless to say there was some eye leakage!!!! He asked if I had anything else to ask or say and all I could think of was THANK YOU! AND he didn't want to poke my new rectum either, just admire his sewing, which we've all complimented him on - his wife says he should be making curtains for the house and I had to agree. My scar at three weeks is mostly a very thin 1mm dark line and the neatest thing I've ever seen. He also offered to arrange some counselling for me as he's concerned and puzzled by me appearing so together and never sobbing in his office, even at diagnosis but still unable to bloody sleep longer than 2 hours at a time after 3 weeks. Yawwwwwwn.  I'm considering it but again, work have a free private service I might take advantage of just to get my money's worth!Went to see stoma nurse again to check on the bit of PTW that had separated from my tummy - it's healing nicely and she took the other three "dissolvable" stitches out that refuse to dissolve in me! Still grounded by my mum, but being allowed out to play at my own house on Thursday but only cos I've got my boss friend Angela staying over. Family 18th party on Saturday afternoon so looking forward to that, may indulge in some watered down wine.......... Bottoms up!  |
Saturday, 19 January 2008
2007 Jan 9th - Diagnosis Rectal Cancer
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
| Rectal Cancer - is this really happening? Didn't go to work today, woke up with a splitting headache after NOT A LOT of sleep. Fetl rubbish - looked at my hair, looked at the shower and got straight back to bed after setting an alarm to remind me to text my boss (and v good mate) and call in sick. Woke briefly to text, straight off to sleep again until 10.30 - permanently tired these days so not surprising really plus two nights with little sleep. Anyway the MacMillan booklets I asked for arrived this morning - made me cry! But they're good, well written in decent chunks covering most things. Mum arrived at 1.15, had a quick chat and half a cup of tea, and pretty much straight to the office, were only sat down for a minute before it was my appt to see Mr A. He asked a nurse to come in too, so I knew it wasn't good news - there was no need for a chaperone since my mum was there and I wasn't having any examinations. He asked how I was - well not as bad as I've been, but you know........ He had the results from the biopsy - and there is cancer there. It's quite advanced and deep - for reference it's stage 3, Dukes C or T3, N1, M0 Basically it's got a good old hold on my rectum and has spread to up to 3 lymph nodes, but thankfully no other organs, yet. Next steps are - I'll now be seeing Dr S the oncologist, an MRI scan has been ordered and I'll be having radio/chemotherapy in some combination or one or the other prior to surgery. My entire rectum (that's the last 6 inches or so before your exit - I like to refer to it as having a dodgy exhaust) will be removed and then they'll join my colon up again - might need a colostomy or ileostomy while the join is healing - or it might be a really good join and I won't, OR I might need one permanently. We saw three photos of Tyson - looks less offensive that size, much uglier when viewed on the big screen. It's a medium sized tumour - didn't get exact measurments but it's an odd shape and is more deep than anything. Went for a coffee with mum and then came back to talk to the nurse, as invited. The stoma care nurse came down to see us and told me some more about what's involved there - got the therapy to get through first though! Usual advice, take it easy, don't do too much and eat well. Had to go and tell my little sis in person, it's not really email, phone or text news is it! Obviously odd tears, but we're all geared up to fight this already so it's just confirmation that it's time to put the gloves on........I feel ridiculously calm about it all now, almost relieved that I've not been imagining feeling crap, feeling exhausted doing the simplest tasks, being worn out by Wednesday at work. I guess I have the next two or three weeks and then it's "Kill Tyson" time. Wish I'd called him Bill now......I always fancied being Uma Thurman - she's tall and has stupidly big feet too! I feel so bad for my mum, because I can't imagine watching my daughter (who incidentally gave me a hug, had a quick tear then went back to MSN giggling with her mates - denial?) go through any of this, I mean I know I can cope with it overall and I told her today sometimes I think it's easier for me than everyone around me because I can cry, laugh, sulk or joke about it whenever I want because Tyson is mine - everyone else probably feels like they have to be careful around me, which obviously I don't want. I know how upset we all were at work when June was finally diagnosed - bless you June wherever you are. I cried more tears for her than for myself, but then I've had a long time to get used to things. Anyway, I'm doing OK, I'm not giving in to ANYTHING so please don't any of you give up either. XXX
19:12 - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove |
| Umpalumpa  |
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| janey jane jane  |
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2007 Jan 6th - Scared
Saturday, January 06, 2007
| Today is a BAD day I've been posting more detailed stuff on the Macmillan blogs but thought it was time to add some here. I'm so relieved that due to my new temp change in job I no longer have to make weekly trips to London from Peterborough because there have been mornings when, like others have retold I could have just not been near enough to a toilet when the diarrhoea and bleeding and mucous have been relentless. How would I have coped if that had happened on a crowded train? I made the decision not to travel for a month which luckily no-one questioned. It's been my biggest physical worry so far - luckily my office is approx 7 yards from a toilet across a narrow landing and repeated visits only minutes apart in a morning are taken for me "popping next door" or "fetching a coffee (on way back". I only seem to get the runs a couple of weeks at a time then Tyson just throws random patterns at me sometimes meaning no sleep sometimes making me forget - no stool = no blood or mucus. It's the trips that I think are just to pass noisy wind then turn out to be just liquid - invariably mostly bloody mucus and nothing substantial. I can't even fart now for fear of bleeding! As a woman though there are sanitary products to help I doubt they could cope with a full on "explosion" but it's security of a sort - and easily available. Tyson is a sessile (not on a stalk - those are pedunculated) tumour spreading round approx half the circumference of the rectum - at 15cm - not far from where it joins the colon. In size I couldn't say but it must be over 2cm and as it's covering over a third of the circumference it seems very unlikely that local excision (using a heated snare to burn off bits at a time until it's all gone) is not an option. This means an op - taking a section of my rectum and colon away, joining them up and while they heal diverting my "poo" into a temporary colostomy bag. The surface has a bobbly appearance - but the lumps are under the surface and are yellowy coloured, with the outer edges being smoother and just pink and fleshy. I'm thinking this is not good, it looks wrong and sickly in every sense, it's nothing like the neat cherry like polyp I was expecting but I found watching the sigmoidoscopy absolutely fascinating - the image is burned onto the back of my brain - for visualising and imagining shrinking - mind over matter? I'm concentrating on staying emotionally and physically as well as I can but I'm positive I'll be needing more support after Tuesday - I need to talk things through with my kids either way, they've been given as much detail as they've asked for but the word Cancer has never been used, only tumour. I've noted down the youthline email and phone numbers for them but right now my concern is my daughter who lives with me, I WILL not leave her and have her life affected by me not being around. Her father only sees her 2 hours a week now, refuses to have her stay over (witch girlfriend - ex friend of mine) so in the back of my mind is where she should live IF. This is the first time I've made that thought real by writing it down, but I'm sure it's what crosses every single parent's mind with a potentially serious health issue. I'm sorry for those of you reading this who may be upset by this posting but mostly I've been pretty jovial and flippant - that's my way of coping, if I make it easier for everyone else it's not in my face and can be put to the back of my mind more. But I am scared, for my little girl more than anything. I'm on a bit of a downer this morning I guess with the diagnosis looming. She's still being a bit of a "kevin" grunting and sulky in the mornings and locked to msn or in her room any other time but she's not THAT bad. And what about my little boy? What if he goes off the rails because I'm not here. It's all academic obviously because I will be here, I'm going nowhere but that's what goes through my head when I can't sleep at night and there's no-one here to tell me it's going to be OK. Maybe I should double the dose of the anti-depressants like the Doc suggested - on top of the usual long term depression I get SAD too. Fantabulous! God what if they don't mix with other "therapies"? I don't think I actually want to talk about any of this out loud, but I do want a record of how I'm feeling, to read later, to help others, to tell everyone how I really feel without wasting time with friends and family crying all the time. Sorry for babbling, fingers got carried away - heating isn't on and typing keeps the circulation going in my hands at least. x 19:30 - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove |
scared | Umpalumpa |
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| Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala |
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| Umpalumpa |
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| Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala |
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