2008 Apr 4th - Insurance.........or lack of!

I'm pleased to say I've started going back to the gym again. I went nearly two weeks ago on Tuesday 25th March, just a month after my operation, just to do some cardio and a couple of resistance exercises on equipment not to mention a few squats. I went again on the Saturday and then this week on Wednesday when I pulled out all the stops and did quite a few more exercises, especially on my blancmange thighs. I didn't walk well before, but my legs have definitely been protesting the last two days! Still I might drag myself back there tonight because I had a month off and I am on a mission to speed up my general recovery.

My feet are much, much worse and I really do think I might have permanent damage now. The areas of pain are increasing and I can't even stretch my legs without feeling like something is tearing or burning inside my heels and the sides of my feet or my right big toe! That's just not right is it? Thinking about it, things took a turn for the worse when I saw Dr Tom the oncologist just before surgery and he said not to bother with the Pyridoxine (B6) any more as it was only useful whilst ON chemotherapy. So was it just coincidence that when I stopped taking it things went downhill? Hmm. Poking about reading experiences from other sufferers I'm not sure so I've started taking them again, having just got a prescription filled when I stopped. I'll give it a couple of weeks and then I'm seeing Tom again so hopefully I'll have more news.

I can't remember if I mentioned in my last post that I'll be having my "1 year post op" scan at the beginning of June (ish) at which point I might finally be able to get the champagne out and celebrate being in remission or NED (no evidence of disease). Those damn spots on my liver are still a cloud hanging over me dangling the threat of Stage 4 (no stage 5 remember). At what point can I actually start getting on with my life? If the scan shows no more spots it means they were chemo damage and my liver has healed itself, if not, well I can't really be bothered to contemplate the options too much, more surgery, more chemo, radio frequency ablation?

Don't get me wrong, it's not really worrying me. There's no point worrying, it won't change anything and if all is well I'll have stressed my mind and body out for another few months for no reason at all! That's just silly! So as Angela once said: "I refuse to get excited until I know there is actually a problem". Good advice there.

Speaking of Angela, we braved the bright lights of Boston town on Saturday after I had been to the gym, dismantled a high sleeper bed and constructed a single bed to replace it...........(yeah wonder woman, that's me). Three glasses of wine, chips and mayo, a cab ride home and a chocolate eclair (bought from the kebab shop no less!) later.................I discovered red wine and my new internal system do not agree. I was up with diarrhoea a couple of hours after going to bed, the likes of which I hadn't really experienced since Tyson was still in residence.

Just in case it wasn't the wine, I had two glasses last night. It was the wine.

Onto the title of this post......insurance.

I got a letter in the post today with a copy of my anaesthetist's bill for £165 as a private patient telling me that my private health insurance cover (provided by my employer) expired on 31st January 2008. Remember the advice on not getting excited until you know there is a problem? I'm pleased to say I sat down and thought about it calmly before ringing work's HR department who rang our benefits department immediately. I wasn't in a panic because I rang the helpline in February to check I was covered for my ileostomy reversal and they said yes! After they refused to pay for the creation of my J-pouch I wasn't risking anything. Luckily it turns out our policies were transferred to BUPA so I am in fact still covered. I guess it's all part of the buy out of the company and major shareholder that took place around the same time.

Oh and more news - I'm going back to work on 23rd April. EEK!

I'm going to try three days that week and then do a couple of days a week after that to start with and see how I go from there. I am questioning the sense behind an early return, not because of my energy levels, but because the weather is improving and I could actually spend some time in the garden this year without being in pain or attached to chemicals or just feeling too damn ill. I need to get amongst people though. I have been holed up in this house for 13 months now and I'm going a bit stir crazy. Getting out to the gym is good, there are at least real people there even if I only know two or three to talk to, it makes me feel a little more like I'm part of society and not some imperfect outcast.

I'm going to treat myself now and watch Loose Women with a mug of something hot before I go and do some shopping (nice shopping, not groceries). I want some pretty things for my bedroom now it's decorated (just one wall of skirting and a small hole to fill and I'm done. I want a new pole, curtains and mirror and maybe something decorative on the walls. I might even post some before and after photos at some point...........oh god the before picture is horrid, it's going to make anything I've done look marvelous, sorry anything MIKE did.

2008 Jan 27th - Joining the Gym

I've had a busy few days lately and that includes joining the gym. I've got sixteen months for the price of 12 and no joining fees so I figure while I've got some money, why not! I need to get out of the house and get into some sort of routine and I desperately need to get strong again. My muscles have wasted away so badly that I could only manage four minutes on the bike for the fitness test and my legs were aching and wobbly most of the afternoon and evening and I was so tired after just that and a few sit ups! Mind you I did have a rotten head cold at the time.

My lung function and BMI are fine, needless to say my muscle strength and everything else is rotten including my body fat ratio. Still, not much point going if it's all good is there! At least I'll get to see how much I've improved in a few months.

I've got a few more appointments for February now:

6th Feb - scan to check there are no new tumours (small sentence, BIG DEAL)
11th Feb - pre op checks (assuming no new tumours discovered else the op is off)
19th Feb - appointment with surgeon for a "visual" check on the joins and j-pouch
22nd Feb - surgery and a very UNtearful farewell to PTW

In the meantime I'm filling my days with gym appointments. I had to do my program plan in two sessions because of my cold - I nearly passed out after 5 minutes on a sit down bike and 5 minutes on the rower. I was just stood on the cross trainer and oooer missus I got the shakes and hot and cold sweats and had to go for a sit down. I had drunk nearly half my litre bottle of water by this point too so it wasn't dehydration.

I finished the plan off today with the trainer and went through which weight machines I can use to start with and she showed me some floor exercises to do - some with a giant ball - which will also help to strengthen my abs and legs since these are the weakest areas after lying around for the last year. I felt much better today and did a few lengths in the pool and too Phoenix with me - he persuaded me to sit in the spa which was GREAT! Never been in one before but it was lovely and warm and my hands and feet were much less "fizzy".

Despite having been out on Saturday night with Team Ferrer et al. I felt pretty good and had a very healthy salad with smoked salmon and feta cheese.

Monday I've booked in for a relaxation/toning class (all classes are included in membership) and Thursday for aquarobics in the evening and I'll do the gym on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday. It's a good set up because you can book any of the classes up to five days in advance and don't have to go to the same ones at the same time or even day so less chance of getting bored or missing anything.

I've got four weeks before surgery and I want to do something constructive. This year is all going to be about getting BETTER. Last year was killing cancer, this year I'm recovering from it. Unfortunately that means returning to work but I'm hoping that will be easier if I'm fitter before I go back.

I talked to my boss on Friday to make sure that going back part time was an option (they have to try to accommodate me, it's the law) so that's all sorted. I managed to have a chat with most people I wanted to see, those who haven't left at least! I got a lovely pep talk from G***** and a hug (that was the best bit) who's had way too much cancer and death in his family already and told me back in the days before Tyson was discovered that "cancer is going to be scared sh*tless when it realises who it's up against, it'll give up". He also told me I'm the only woman he knows who has bigger balls than him...............ahem. I hope he meant metaphorically and that my bag wasn't just a bit too full!

I'm off to bed now at a reasonable hour for a change - must get up in plenty of time so I'm not late for class tomorrow.

2007 Nov 17th - Chemo Round 2 No 7

Saturday, November 17, 2007

What a slacker.......... Category: Life Oh I say, I've been really lazy about this blogging malarky haven't I? I think Santa may have got my note because despite my neutraphil count being only 1.3 on the Friday they somehow got up to 1.6 on the Monday!! Woohoo! Chemo number 7 full steam ahead. However I was desperately tired having been awake from 3.30pm on the Sunday and just wanted to sleep. Tough luck. I managed to sit myself next to a poor old chap who had enjoyed good health his entire life only to end up with leukaemia and then have a stroke mid treatment. To be fair apart from the fogginess and memory loss he was doing really well, no paralysis or speech trouble, unlike one of my bowel cancer buddues who had a stroke on the operating table, then got lung problems on top of being stage 4 and was looking pretty grim for a while. (If you or Sandra are reading this Dave, a big High Five for hanging in there and coming out the other side). He was in a total fog and asked me the same questions about 6 times. It's not an easy thing to reassure someone in a worse state than you when you are on the verge of madness through lack of sleep. Every time I closed my eyes to try and doze, he asked me again, "How often do I come here love?". Tuesday I saw my lovely surgeon (now by lovely I do not mean the marrying kind, he's just a bloody good surgeon and he saved my life). More agonising examinations......grr I wish I didn't know how big those rigid sigmoidoscopes are.......just the thought of it makes me clench. He couldn't see enough due to the pain (and my cries of OW were probably putting him off) so is going to do a flexible sigmoidoscopy under sedation in the new year. I have had one without sedation but given my radiation damage it's too painful now. Of course given that my sisters seem to be immune to sedation I'm not looking forward to that either! If everything looks OK and has healed properly then I should get my reversal sometime from March onwards. Five days in hospital and then about 3 weeks in the toilet (must redecorate them both as a priority) and oh bugger - I get my body AND my life back......... What the hell am I going to do then? Well firstly I'm going to have to start applying for jobs closer to home now. I need to find an employer who doesn't mind the fact that I'm going off sick for four weeks minimum in March............end of the financial year.......hmmm. Busy period for most businesses. Of course you'd think I'd consider going back to my current job - firstly no-one has bothered to tell me what the hell I can do IF I go back. My seconded job has ended, my desk no longer exists. My job prior to secondment a year ago has been subject to re-organisation and no longer exists. Add to that, I haven't been there since February and have probably forgotten how to use our systems. Oh and the thought of driving for an hour each way with an unpredictable rear end doesn't fill me with excitement. My best friend, both at work and outside work is out in the field following promotion and a lot of good people have been made redundant or left in my absence. I'd love to be made redundant. Just this one time. I've done the trekking down to London to hot desk down Shaftesbury Avenue at Performance offices where you can just plug your ipod into the sound system that filters music into to the office all day. I've done being out of the house for 13 hours just to complete a 7.5 hour working day and frankly it sucks. I spent 7 years working my way around the company to get a job I loved, was good at and wasn't phased by meetings with directors because they knew me by name. My half pay is probably all I'd get locally for doing a full working week! But it's all relative. I've been working since I was 14 (part time then obviously) apart from the 5 years I took off to be with my babies. Thanks to insurance my mortgage is now much smaller so I can afford a drop in income. This is the first year I've ever claimed Tax Credits and am frankly stunned that I qualified on what I thought was a bloody good salary for additional pay outs. I just want something easy with a small friendly firm, close to home or schools which covers the mortgage, the bills, fuel and food with a little left over. Which is exactly where I was before but I had a bigger mortgage! Weird thing is, now I know I'll still get tax credits to top me up to over the income I was earning before..........so I feel guilty if I accept them because I've always managed without benefits since I was 18. Then I think about the hoardes who never bother to work at all. I think about the hard graft I've put in working 7 days a week, or 5 days and one night shift a week (I'm practised at staying awake for over 30 hours at a time and still feeding children, doing laundry etc). I think about all the prescription charges I paid for when I was entitled to an exemption and I think SOD IT. I got cancer, I dragged myself through it with a lot of help mostly from my little Umpalumpa and three very good friends (Angela, Hayley and Mike). I've earned the right to take what's on offer for the next year or two aren't I? More importantly my children have earned the right to see their mother recovering and NOT being away from home. The thought that I may now be able to take them to school, fetch them home with a bit of work in the middle is keeping me going. Once I've got some energy back and am not bedridden by lethargy, pain and side effects. Next year is suddenly looking a hell of a lot better. Meantime, I've got to jab myself in the belly with the GCSF - little soldier cells just have to fight their way through to 26th November so I can have a party on the 28th when hopefully the 53cm spaghetti will get ripped out of my arm! WOO.....AND INDEED....HOO! Please keep them crossed people xxxx 13:49 - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Mandy	Great to hear from you Lisa, Having a laugh at the thought of you re-decorating the toilet and the hospital though (sorry)! Fingers crossed the next chemo runs to time, I know how good it feels to finish before Christmas, as that's what happened to me last year. Take care Mandy x Posted by Mandy on Sunday, November 18, 2007 at 22:47 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Peter	They're all crossed for you. Posted by Peter on Sunday, November 18, 2007 at 22:47 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Bad Fish	I sympathise with the work thing - I can't bear the thought of going back to work in London - 3 hour daily commute - and not having been there since February either, I'm not sure what I'll be facing. Some of my friends have left too ... Got an e-mail from one of my bosses yesterday evening asking when I was coming back. Er - next year do? I was laughing at Peter Hain's interview on the Today programme this morning about Inacapacity Benefit: 'it's not what people can't do, it's what they can do. Can they sit in front of a TV screen, sorry, PC with a mouse'. Well Pete I can, but I can't type properly, I can't grip competently either (so no lifting) and I don't want to travel for an hour and a half with a bunch of morons on a train to not do it. Posted by Bad Fish on Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 17:53 [Remove] [Reply to this]

Umpalumpa

Fingies and toes crossed, champagne on ice xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Posted by Umpalumpa on Tuesday, November 20, 2007 at 17:53

2007 Octo 14th - Chemo & CID

Sunday, October 14, 2007

All aboard the good ship chemo....and MORE C.I.bloody D Category: Life This flipping GCSF malarkey is good but it's damn painful. Cancer Vixen was right, it really does feel like you've been injected with cement which slowly goes off. This time as well as the heavy pounding nauseating skull, neck, spine pain and rib pains (they are much milder this time round) I've got parasthesia.........I think that's right.....anyway it's prickling skin. I say prickling skin, it's like saying "chemo is a little unpleasant". Randomly, with no warning my entire back from shoulders to pelvis it feels as though I'm being whipped with stinging nettles. I have the deep muscle flu like symptoms too, but then I STILL have a flipping cold so it's hard to tell what condition or treatment is causing which symptom. Obviously it came as a bit of a shock to get a phone call from the Job Centre asking me to attend a work related interview..........WTF? I asked how easy she thought it would be to find me a job bearing in mind I have to to to hospital at least twice a week, have three injections every fortnight, be too ill to shower, walk, drive for a few days every fortnight etc......oh and about to face surgery in three months which could take two months recovery. She said she didn't know about the cancer, just that I had been awarded Incapacity Benefit. I then reminded her I have a job........would my employer not be a little upset if I went for other jobs whilst their insurance is giving me private surgical treatment and half pay? Perhaps they could help me with training needs, she suggested, but I must attend an interview, although she'd talk to her boss. Training needs? Train me to do WHAT exactly? Work well and gain bonuses and good pay rises every year for the last 7 years? Doh I did that all on my own ta very much. I got a 20 page booklet to complete regarding the details of my "incapacity". For the love of small children, how many times do my GP, surgeon and oncologist have to tell people "I HAD BLOODY CANCER UP MY ARSE AND I'M TRYING TO KILL IT OFF FOR GOOD, EXCUSE ME WHILE I TRY NOT TO DIE OF FRUSTRATION". That feels a bit better. Katy came over to see me on Thursday and we both realised since redundancy and ill health have kept us from the office, we don't miss it one jot. The people - yes, work NO. Even the lack of free copies of Heat, Closer and Grazia aren't enough to make me wish I was there (good job I kept that snippet of gossip from the job centre woman eh?). She offered to do my ironing (too ashamed of the mountain to take her up on that offer) but ended up emptying the rank kitten and rabbit litter trays. At least she has a cat at home! I did wave the hoover round the carpet and provide a comedy lunch consisting of toast, parma ham, cheese and a side order of 15p Aldi instant noodles. Has it really come to this? Gone are the days, albeit temporarily, that I whip up a tasty salad with herbs from the garden drizzled with balsamic vinegar and chilli oil. It's all hands on deck, eat whatever you can find that is palatable! Friday afternoon I fell asleep on the sofa under a blanket for an hour waiting for Pobster to arrive to prepare culinary delights and deliver a shipment of "sex chocolate" from Donna (fab tattoos, lovely slip of a girl who gave me Skittles). It was daylight when I lay down (a few hours after nursey stabbed me with GCSF), pitch black when the doorbell rang. I was, once again an appalling host. He brings the food, prepares the food, cooks the food and generally I eat at least half the food. This time I had a child's portion and had a proper one in the fridge to eat on Saturday. Saturday the nurse arrived before 10. I awoke to the phone asking for directions....ridiculously my road is a few yards from one called exactly the same but with an 's' on the end. Even more hilariously there is another house down my road with exactly the same name....what kind of halfwit councillor signed that off? After going back to bed for all of 10 minutes the doorbell went again and I heard the world's worst detective tell my 12 year old son he wanted to talk to me about the whereabouts of S**** W*****. The one who buggered off to join the Foreign Legion, remember him? See blog somtime in January I think...... I came downstairs looking seriously pissed off (I was) and he asked if I remembered him. Yes I said and I told you then I want nothing to do with him, he doesn't live her, I don't know where he is, I don't care. He reckoned I refused to talk to him last time..........erm no I didn't I divulged a couple of facts ACTUALLY and answered approximately TEN questions AND reminded him I had bloody cancer and am still having treatment an DO NOT NEED STRESS. My neutraphils can't cope with it. I also told him off for not showing me his ID card when I answered the door. He was chuntering about showing it last time...........as he shuffled off to his car, whingey whiner. I went back to bed only coming down for Pob's "meals on wheels" and the odd drink........and toilet visit.........and more tissues to blow my nose. It was a very tiring day. Sunday, more of the same, evil jab in the morning, nice chat with nursey. Offered me more help aroud the house, shopping etc through the local hospice. I told her, I know I may be foolish but I can't help thinking that I can cope and there are so many people worse off, that I like to think I'll forfeit my share for one of those. I can't even let my friends do my ironing for heaven's sake! I never accepted a home help when I qualified through ill health 11 years ago. Mind you I was made to be independent and learned from an early age that if you want anything doing, you have to do it yourself an it's a hard lesson to shake off. I have won a few poker tournaments..........I say won, I came second and third more than once and won prize chips! Woohoo! I need to get off this sofa and this borrowed laptop (oh yeah mine broke weeks ago and they STILL haven't collected it to fix) and go to bed but I can't really be bothered with the nauseating pains I get 22:20 - 5 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Peter	I'm sorry you're feeling so bloody and there's nothing I can do to help. Posted by Peter on Monday, October 15, 2007 at 12:27 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Billy Bollockchops	It was fab to see you as always :-) xxxxxxxx Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Monday, October 15, 2007 at 23:21 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Caroline	Hmmm - JCPlus - back to work interviews! LOL - just love it - had the same prob back in June and July! I had to do by telephone! After that they sent me a whole booklet form to complete on health questions! They offered me training too t0- help get me back to work! Jesus - do they really think we need their help! No I don't and nor do you Lisa! Cos the of Incapacity Benefit they have to do this tho, but its a complete waste of our time! Sorry your suffering so much with side effects and everything - totally relate to what your going through! Just take it easy babes and rest as much as you need too! Other things happening too and you sure can do with them! It'as enough to deal with this proxy cancer! Thinking of you each day and all our other bandits too. Take care Caz x Posted by Caroline on Monday, October 15, 2007 at 23:29 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Bad Fish	Oh, sweetie- you have my complete sympathy. Since my chemo finished (unlike Alan Bennett I think I know it well enough to shorten it's name) I've felt as bad as I did whilst having it, and boy, that's pretty crap! Someone said to me last week "You look really well - I wouldn't have known you've been ill". Well, they may have meant it as a compliment, but believe me, I didn't always have a fat head and hair like a newly hatched chick. I still look in the mirror and wonder who the tub of lard is. Posted by Bad Fish on Monday, October 29, 2007 at 00:17 [Remove] [Reply to this]

Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

I try to avoid mirrors at all costs, the life appears to have drained from any muscles I had and it's not so much lard as dripping... i.e. much sloppier, especially my thighs. Send us a pic of your chick hair love, I could have knitted myself a wig with the hairs that have fallen out so far! Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Monday, October 29, 2007 at 15:51

2007 May 25th - Oops I Went Shopping Again

Friday, May 25, 2007

I went to work today! Category: Life I went to work today, but didn't do anything, other than copy some files that I'd spent months working on to cd. I know after the best part of a year off I'll have forgotten everything, how to use excel formulae. Now I thought that was an admirable thing to do, however it just gave everyone an excuse to shake their heads and roll their eyes and laugh at me . How very rude! Some of those excel files were 14mb AFTER I'd removed half the macros........I'm proud of them! Anyway it was good, after a wobbly shaky start (as in I felt wobbly and shaky, from nerves I assume), caught up with a few people and went out to lunch with Angela - I pushed the boat out and ate normal food, i.e. to a yummy chinese, for rice noodle pad thai, with prawns. I'm allowed a stir fry once a week, admittedly I'd NEVER use that much oil, but figure I'm not going to undo all these weeks healthy eating in one meal. I drove home feeling much perkier and singing along in the car, accidentally turned into to the outlet centre en route and accidentally bought a bag.........oops they had it in silver too, a really light, pretty summery lovely silver, it was soooo hard to choose, but I thought this go with more stuff. It's not bright yellow, it's a limey greenish yellow. £15!! Haha, in ya face Chloes with your £895 RRP. Oh the deck is looking good, in that it's here, the ground has been levelled, the base frame cut to size and laid out. Sadly it's a flipping bank holiday weekend so it might not get revisited until mid-end of next week. Booo hiss! All because the decking, which I waited in ALL day Wednesday for didn't arrive until Thursday morning. More DVLA news - after flashing cancer card "metaphorically" down the phone querying where my refund application was (sent first class Tuesday, still not here on Thursday) and is there no other way I can get a refund.........yadda yadda ........on half pay........single parent.......advanced cancer............can't afford to lose £167.50..........etc. A nice Welsh lady rang me back at 7.40pm (by which time I'd nearly dozed off) and sorted it over the phone. Lets hope she remembered to credit, not debit! New V5C arrived today too, so I think everything is now legal. At last! Had to cancel reflexology (boo hoo) as I can't get a letter until next week from the GP to say he's OK with it. Oh yes and about going to see the doc, for about a week I've been having quite strong pulsating pains in my kidney/side/left lower abdomen which aren't all the time, more in the evening, especially after I've had a lot to eat. Managed NOT to convince myself too much that it might have spread to my kidneys, but it didn't feel like a kidney infection - which it wasn't. He thinks, as it's on the left side and the tumour is slightly to my left and obviously in my bowel it's inflammation from the radiation so have some little green pills (prescribed for arthritis and gout usually!). I'm hoping that will stop the backache too as I'm still convinced that's inflammation/pressure caused by the tumour. So next week it's surgeon on Tuesday, solicitor (to make will) on Wednesday, followed by Reiki in the evening. Hopefully lounging on new deck area the rest of the week and weekend. I should really get this weekend out of the way before thinking about the next, possibly meeting a friend tomorrow and then to a pub where workmate/come DJ is playing in the evening (gosh that's like what normal people do innit?) 18:39 - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Deborah	nice bag and nice price tag!!! Simon got big bonus and just took me out but why is it when you have money you dont want anything! he was practically pushing me on clothes shops but i just thought, i dont need anymore clothes. he then tried to steer me to flat screen tv's, i put my foot down then!!! I get emotional when i do things that are "normal". it's silly bit i couldnt imagine myself doing half the stuff i do 6 months (yes 6 months!!! ) ago. believe me, recovery from surgery will be quicker than you think. Of course i still get pangs and pains, but the fact i can sit up my own and fend for myself is so different to that feeble girl who was carried out of hospital and who couldn't even lift 2 ltr bottle of water xxxx Posted by Deborah on Friday, May 25, 2007 at 20:09 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Hannah	Oooh....nice bag Lisa!Yummy...you mentioned something about one in silver?Lol! Hannah x Posted by Hannah on Friday, May 25, 2007 at 20:51 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	GlitterGirl....	Loving the bag....! Also very excited about your decking, think I may be turning into a gardening nerd!! Taking lairy cats to the vets in the morning. Always good sport...wrestling the little blighters into the box without losing an eye can be challenging! Best get an early night.... ;o) Posted by GlitterGirl.... on Friday, May 25, 2007 at 22:55 [Remove] [Reply to this]

Umpalumpa

Wow - Love the bag! Funny how the car just veers its way into outlets, our car has done that before (a few times). Have got pressie for when I see you Tuesday (Not a highly fashionable bag though I'm afraid!) Have a lovely time with your friends xx Posted by Umpalumpa on Saturday, May 26, 2007 at 07:37

2007 Mar 27th - Je Suis Un Geek...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Pathology Report Category: Life Click on the picture to take you to a legible version - if that doesn't work look at my pics, if that doesn't work, well I have an excel version I could email if you're THAT sad. In true analyst stylee I did some purdy line charts to show you what's happening with my claret. Red cells (Hb) are doing rather well if I do say so myself and NO guinness was harmed in the production of these blood results. Interesting to note that whilst white cells (WBC) are generally taking a downturn, neutraphils (accounting for approx 65% of white cells - infection fighters) are down marginally less in comparison. Platelets held their own for the first couple of weeks but have taken a sharp drop of close to 50% on base levels. Overall, results were as expected but still within confidence limits. In table format: Test Date Hb WBC Platelets Neutraphils 13th Feb 12.4 5.2 306 3.20 27th Feb 12.7 4.3 296 2.64 13th Mar 12.5 2.9 205 1.91 Ooo it's just like being back at work. 23:23 - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Deborah	You have too much time on your hands lady!!! To be fair i have never asked about the counts - perhaps i should pay more of an educated interest in my health.... Posted by Deborah on Friday, March 30, 2007 at 17:24 [Remove] [Reply to this]

Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Ah well, I have been an analyst/accountant for the last 3 plus years so numbers are my trade and I send these things to work - they have charts of my progress on the KPI board (I used to do the KPIs) so I'm obviously more of a geek than you! I shouldn't worry petal! Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Friday, March 30, 2007 at 19:12

2007 Mar 27th - Feeling Down

Feeling grim
Category: Life

Not doing so well again today, feeling pathetic and it's all just dragging on now. Sun is shining and that's great but I don't get to enjoy it - usual long day, though only three hours in the hospital today. I had a review, was told I look weary and tired. YUP. Went through the checklist of symptoms - yep got all those, except my skin is doing really well, must be the aqueous cream! Offered loperamide (immodium to you lot) and anti nausea drugs but I really don't want any more medication if I can help it. I know why I feel crappy and don't want to risk feeling worse or missing something by taking more drugs.

Oh have a look at my (myspace) pics if you have access, my cancer card is designed ready to print, if I ever get round to it, and be laminated. Perhaps produced in triplicate should I lose one.....or two.

A couple of women in the waiting room were discussing how crap cancer is and how it affects your entire life, like your job, relationship (or in my case doubt about ever having one again), having more kids (nope none of those for me, or the woman who is grateful for the one child but now needs hysterectomy following mastectomy since her cancer is hereditary and hormone related). It's the lack of choice over so many things all at once that makes this so bloody hard to deal with - I could say no to the treatment and surgery and be dead within a year or two, maybe less. No real choice there then. I couldn't have more kids anyway unless my eggs were grown somewhere else, but at least I had eggs (fried eggs now). I don't want to have my menopause yet, I don't want hot flushes, mood swings, forgetfulness, thinning hair and faster ageing skin. I don't want HRT. However it's happening and it's saving my life - so no real choice.

I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my working life, but I've a feeling it involves part time! I'm also vaguely considering nursing of some description which is a route I wanted to take 10 years ago but couldn't afford to with two small children, debts and an ex husband. I don't know how the rest of my mortgage will get paid when I go on to half pay - don't trust the tax credit people but that will be my first port of call WHEN it happens. I don't know what job I'll have to go back to or if they'll want me back. I don't know when I'll be fit to work again or how hard it will be to get another job now I've got cancer, everyone will be watching me for five years and how many employers will take that on. You can say what you like about equal rights but at the end of the day I'd never be able to prove I didn't get a job because I used to have cancer would I?

In summary there's a lot I don't know and it's pretty much down to cancer. I'm no stranger to hard times but it's a lot to take in, in a short space of time.

8:18 - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Diarrhoea, diarrhoea, people think it's funny........ Category: Life .........mind you half the population can't spell it properly. So the photos have been taken, did my best to offer up a genuine smile - wearing bargain top from Mexx (usual price £29, sale price £2) uh - huh we KNOW how to shop! Wishing I'd got my finger out of my um....arse.... and sorted out a trim with the hairdresser but I'm scared he'll accidentally cut through my chemo tube and drip cytotoxic chemicals everywhere - seriously I have dreams about this sort of thing, I have one clamp - which I assume would be best used on the end connected to my arm to avoid air bubbles. What do I do with the pump that's spewing stuff out? Do I call an ambulance? The fire brigade? Both? Thankfully only one more wretched pump to go and then I can actually WASH my arm. Speaking of air bubbles, when they change the "bung" over in my PICC line I have to hold my breath since if I breathe in at that point I could give my self a potentially leathal air bubble. WHAT? I've also got a few more teeny weeny ulcers that are creeping around my lips, from the inside corners of my mouth which is also down to the lovely 5FU - this stuff had better be working. Anyway after Mr Photographer had been and gone in a flash. PMSL. I threw together a pad thai, mistakenly thinking using the thin rice noodles I bought would make a nice change, they didn't - they're too watery but it still tasted OK. In defiance to Tyson I sprinkled crushed chillis over mine which helped no end to counter the wateriness but then wondered about the logic of this on my fifth visit to the toilet the next day. Trouble is I never know on worse diarrhoea days if it's food, bacteria, Tyson, hormone, chemo or radiotherapy related since it could be all or any of the above. I'm thinking (Faerie I know you O.Dd on chillis too recently) the chillis was probably pushing hope a little too far so back to more bland food then. Saturday I felt um okay, still tired, still curled up on mum's sofa at the earliest opportunity - then when the kids came back from their trip to the village shop we all pretended I was asleep so they stayed in the kitchen - I felt a bit mean but waved my imaginary "Cancer Card" in the air by way of justification. Covered in a blanket sipping weak lemon drink - the sort of thing all sickly people do in novels - is now a reality instead of a funny mental image. Sunday - well I felt practically "normal" by 3pm and thought that would be a great opportunity to cut the grass - I say grass instead of lawn for a reason. It's now resembling something akin to a lawn but I fear I've done myself irreparable damage. The whole point of having weekends off with radiotherapy is that your body had time to repair and replace any NON cancerous cells which have been anihilated by the radiation beams. Straining my back, arm, leg and stomach muscles, let alone my lungs to the point of collapse is not really helping - I had to stop for a breather halfway through, but would NOT be beaten by stupid grass, or Tyson. The sun was shining and it was a lovely day and I wanted lovely neat short grass. Up during the night at 5am (technically 4am stupid DST) with, oh guess what more diarrhoea, I mean I know my wee isn't as hurty as it was, but four hours sleep is just not enough Monday - woke up feeling rough as usual, took Karys to the bus stop and crawled back under duvet for another 90 minutes. Alarm went off, I couldn't move, the duvet was the softest, fluffiest, warmest, most comfortable thing EVER. 20 minutes later, realising my hair hadn't been washed for 3 days I sort of fell out of bed and into the shower. I was shaking all over before I got in, whilst I was in (washed hair v v quickly for a "one hand in a plastic balloon" person) and just managed to dry half the water off myself before pegging it next door to the loo AGAIN. Where does it all come from? I had very well cooked, properly defrosted, low fat pork in a sort of bolognaise sauce with white pasta and a salad yesterday - no chillis in sight. I felt so ill, I thought I was going to pass out on the loo and that would not be a pretty sight for my daughter when she got home from school, me half naked at the top of the stairs (no point shutting the door when you're alone and in a hurry). After the pains had gone away I felt a bit better. Decided I was up to one hour journey after all and didn't call mum's taxi! I've had 15 treatments now, 10 to go. I have a feeling it's going to get worse. All the radiographers commented on how weary or ill I looked today - think it's just tiredness and overdoing it on Sunday, oh and bleeding to death over the weekend - better that than bleed over the radiotherapy bed eh? Oh if you have radio on your face/head you get a thin mattress! I begged them to leave it on for me but they said "No sorry, you get the cold hard bed, no mattress for you". Charming, still I could fall asleep on it face down at the drop of a hat if they just left me alone. Having counted pretty much every radiation beam - I have approx 3 seconds (6mv) to the front, 20 seconds to each hip (10mv) and another 12 to 15 seconds, I always lose interest by this point as it's the third one (6mv). I wonder if I'll be in the local press tomorrow.............I do hope they get everything right.