2007 Aprl 7th - More Bleeding

07 Apr 2007

Out out damn spot.............. Category: Life Blood, all I can see is blood I can hardly contain my dismay and despair.........I've now got a can of mousse with a giant plastic syringe to stop the internal inflammation and apparent ripping apart of my insides, aqueous cream for "intact skin" all around my pelvis and now hydrogel for the bits where my skin appears to have been melted off. And NOW another sodding PERIOD! I mean honestly! I got all excited after having one every third week instead of every four, I was 10 days late, then I have a whole week where nothing appears to be bleeding (well apart from the melted skin) and whammo it all kicks off again. I'm supposed to be getting air to the melted skin, however it's a bit tricky when you have to practically wear a nappy to cope with all these "emissions". I might as well just get a commode and sit on that all day............ On a lighter note I started with my new "feed Lisa, starve Tyson" plan - this involves avoiding sugar, wheat, dairy, meat and processed foods mostly. Before you all moan and groan and say "oh you should eat what you fancy if you're ill" that's all well and good but I can't be bothered to cook half the time so I've been eating rubbish and that isn't helping anything. A salad with Quinoa (complete protein that's sort of a cross between rice and seeds) for lunch, then for dinner we had salmon, steamed brocolli, roasted: carrots, parsnips, spuds and garlic for dinner and it was yummy, threw a few herbs in and some olive oil and everyone was happy. I'm making soup with some veg and the steaming water from the brocolli and will attempt to get up early enough to have porridge with soya milk. I've stocked up on supplements and vitamins to add to what I'll be eating to make sure I don't miss out on anything - plan courtesy of Mel in Oz who's a qualified nutritionist and has put it together with the evil Tyson and chemo in mind. I have said I won't be strict properly until after Easter because Umpalumpa sent an egg with the Easter Bunny and obviously that has to be eaten - rude not to. It's a sort of reversed Lent! Urgh I suppose I should go to sleep so better go spend half an hour in the bathroom with lotions and potions.............god I hope I don't mix up the Tigi products.............

2007 Mar 27th - Feeling Down

Feeling grim
Category: Life

Not doing so well again today, feeling pathetic and it's all just dragging on now. Sun is shining and that's great but I don't get to enjoy it - usual long day, though only three hours in the hospital today. I had a review, was told I look weary and tired. YUP. Went through the checklist of symptoms - yep got all those, except my skin is doing really well, must be the aqueous cream! Offered loperamide (immodium to you lot) and anti nausea drugs but I really don't want any more medication if I can help it. I know why I feel crappy and don't want to risk feeling worse or missing something by taking more drugs.

Oh have a look at my (myspace) pics if you have access, my cancer card is designed ready to print, if I ever get round to it, and be laminated. Perhaps produced in triplicate should I lose one.....or two.

A couple of women in the waiting room were discussing how crap cancer is and how it affects your entire life, like your job, relationship (or in my case doubt about ever having one again), having more kids (nope none of those for me, or the woman who is grateful for the one child but now needs hysterectomy following mastectomy since her cancer is hereditary and hormone related). It's the lack of choice over so many things all at once that makes this so bloody hard to deal with - I could say no to the treatment and surgery and be dead within a year or two, maybe less. No real choice there then. I couldn't have more kids anyway unless my eggs were grown somewhere else, but at least I had eggs (fried eggs now). I don't want to have my menopause yet, I don't want hot flushes, mood swings, forgetfulness, thinning hair and faster ageing skin. I don't want HRT. However it's happening and it's saving my life - so no real choice.

I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my working life, but I've a feeling it involves part time! I'm also vaguely considering nursing of some description which is a route I wanted to take 10 years ago but couldn't afford to with two small children, debts and an ex husband. I don't know how the rest of my mortgage will get paid when I go on to half pay - don't trust the tax credit people but that will be my first port of call WHEN it happens. I don't know what job I'll have to go back to or if they'll want me back. I don't know when I'll be fit to work again or how hard it will be to get another job now I've got cancer, everyone will be watching me for five years and how many employers will take that on. You can say what you like about equal rights but at the end of the day I'd never be able to prove I didn't get a job because I used to have cancer would I?

In summary there's a lot I don't know and it's pretty much down to cancer. I'm no stranger to hard times but it's a lot to take in, in a short space of time.

8:18 - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Diarrhoea, diarrhoea, people think it's funny........ Category: Life .........mind you half the population can't spell it properly. So the photos have been taken, did my best to offer up a genuine smile - wearing bargain top from Mexx (usual price £29, sale price £2) uh - huh we KNOW how to shop! Wishing I'd got my finger out of my um....arse.... and sorted out a trim with the hairdresser but I'm scared he'll accidentally cut through my chemo tube and drip cytotoxic chemicals everywhere - seriously I have dreams about this sort of thing, I have one clamp - which I assume would be best used on the end connected to my arm to avoid air bubbles. What do I do with the pump that's spewing stuff out? Do I call an ambulance? The fire brigade? Both? Thankfully only one more wretched pump to go and then I can actually WASH my arm. Speaking of air bubbles, when they change the "bung" over in my PICC line I have to hold my breath since if I breathe in at that point I could give my self a potentially leathal air bubble. WHAT? I've also got a few more teeny weeny ulcers that are creeping around my lips, from the inside corners of my mouth which is also down to the lovely 5FU - this stuff had better be working. Anyway after Mr Photographer had been and gone in a flash. PMSL. I threw together a pad thai, mistakenly thinking using the thin rice noodles I bought would make a nice change, they didn't - they're too watery but it still tasted OK. In defiance to Tyson I sprinkled crushed chillis over mine which helped no end to counter the wateriness but then wondered about the logic of this on my fifth visit to the toilet the next day. Trouble is I never know on worse diarrhoea days if it's food, bacteria, Tyson, hormone, chemo or radiotherapy related since it could be all or any of the above. I'm thinking (Faerie I know you O.Dd on chillis too recently) the chillis was probably pushing hope a little too far so back to more bland food then. Saturday I felt um okay, still tired, still curled up on mum's sofa at the earliest opportunity - then when the kids came back from their trip to the village shop we all pretended I was asleep so they stayed in the kitchen - I felt a bit mean but waved my imaginary "Cancer Card" in the air by way of justification. Covered in a blanket sipping weak lemon drink - the sort of thing all sickly people do in novels - is now a reality instead of a funny mental image. Sunday - well I felt practically "normal" by 3pm and thought that would be a great opportunity to cut the grass - I say grass instead of lawn for a reason. It's now resembling something akin to a lawn but I fear I've done myself irreparable damage. The whole point of having weekends off with radiotherapy is that your body had time to repair and replace any NON cancerous cells which have been anihilated by the radiation beams. Straining my back, arm, leg and stomach muscles, let alone my lungs to the point of collapse is not really helping - I had to stop for a breather halfway through, but would NOT be beaten by stupid grass, or Tyson. The sun was shining and it was a lovely day and I wanted lovely neat short grass. Up during the night at 5am (technically 4am stupid DST) with, oh guess what more diarrhoea, I mean I know my wee isn't as hurty as it was, but four hours sleep is just not enough Monday - woke up feeling rough as usual, took Karys to the bus stop and crawled back under duvet for another 90 minutes. Alarm went off, I couldn't move, the duvet was the softest, fluffiest, warmest, most comfortable thing EVER. 20 minutes later, realising my hair hadn't been washed for 3 days I sort of fell out of bed and into the shower. I was shaking all over before I got in, whilst I was in (washed hair v v quickly for a "one hand in a plastic balloon" person) and just managed to dry half the water off myself before pegging it next door to the loo AGAIN. Where does it all come from? I had very well cooked, properly defrosted, low fat pork in a sort of bolognaise sauce with white pasta and a salad yesterday - no chillis in sight. I felt so ill, I thought I was going to pass out on the loo and that would not be a pretty sight for my daughter when she got home from school, me half naked at the top of the stairs (no point shutting the door when you're alone and in a hurry). After the pains had gone away I felt a bit better. Decided I was up to one hour journey after all and didn't call mum's taxi! I've had 15 treatments now, 10 to go. I have a feeling it's going to get worse. All the radiographers commented on how weary or ill I looked today - think it's just tiredness and overdoing it on Sunday, oh and bleeding to death over the weekend - better that than bleed over the radiotherapy bed eh? Oh if you have radio on your face/head you get a thin mattress! I begged them to leave it on for me but they said "No sorry, you get the cold hard bed, no mattress for you". Charming, still I could fall asleep on it face down at the drop of a hat if they just left me alone. Having counted pretty much every radiation beam - I have approx 3 seconds (6mv) to the front, 20 seconds to each hip (10mv) and another 12 to 15 seconds, I always lose interest by this point as it's the third one (6mv). I wonder if I'll be in the local press tomorrow.............I do hope they get everything right.

2007 Mar 24th - Bleeding

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Bloody eck. Category: Life Oh FFS. My period started yesterday. Can someone tell my body to just STOP BLEEDING? Not a lot of sleep last night, aches, pains and nausea. Not to mention hourly trips to the loo. The photographer from the local press arrived (late since no one gave him my number or directions) and snapped away. Very weird, strange man appears with camera and massive lens to do a "close up" and assures me he can change the background since I've got bare plaster walls - Tyson preventing decorating. Not impressed at all by my "can you airbrush me?". 18:37 - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

GlitterGirl....

To Lisa's body - "STOP BLEEDING PLEASE...!" Did it work?! Sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish....I am making you a virtual hot water bottle as I type ;o) Take your anti-sickness meds, try to rest, and think how fabbalous you'll feel when all this shit is over! (literally and metaphorically....) Do you mind posting the article when it's published, you media starlet? (Subject to satisfactory airbrushing, of course...) TC lovey. xx Posted by GlitterGirl.... on Saturday, March 24, 2007 at 13:22

2007 Mar 21st - The Treament is Working

21 Mar 2007

Rayman rocks Category: Life Points of observation: Tyson appears to have given up on the whiney bleeding Having had 3 periods in 50 days I've not had one this week, or last week so erm I think the radiotherapy has killed my period. As at any given time I simply MUST have at least one bleeding orifice my bladder has taken on this honourable task and is throwing in some pain to go with it. I don't like hurty wee. I'm feeling a teensy weensy bit grumpy. I noticed that whilst putting together a bedside chest of drawers on Saturday that I was feeling bloody hot, despite wearing only a vest - reason temperature 37.4 C. If I get a temperature of 37.5 at any two readings I get a stay in hospital - I had a very cold pint of squash AND some cranberry juice and sat down til it came down to 36 C. I've lost 3lbs. If I lose "too much" weight my tattoo markers will need to be redone or I'll be getting too much zapping or it'll be in the wrong place. I'm secretly a little pleased that I lost weight without even trying even though I know this is generally not a good thing for someone with a) cancer b) on chemo and c) having radiotherapy. My PICC arm gets really sweaty over the course of a week because the white gauze has to be literally peeled off my arm. URGH. I'm pretty useless at doing anything other than going to hospital, sleeping, watching TV, staring at my PC or playing on my new DS Lite. I bought Rayman Raving Rabbids. It has mad raving phsyco bunnies in it - NO Karys that's not like Alfie (Alfie is our pet girl rabbit - please feel free to ask).

2007 Mar 17th - Chemo Round 1 No 4

17 Mar 2007

No anemia here....... Category: Life I had my fourth chemo pack wired up on Tuesday and managed to flash Bob who was sat opposite me hooked up to his drugs (he's on the usual bag on drip stand that take two hours every visit). To explain I usually shove the tubing down my top to minimise yoiking - that's a technical term for "opening doors with your chemo tube" and a practice I don't recommend. He didn't seem to mind. His mate John is chatty too (I say mate, I mean someone you see a lot on daily/weekly visits but never knew before you had cancer). Like me John had other plans for this year, his far more exciting as he goes to Australia every year and has had to put off his visit until Christmas - bloody chemo it doesn't half spoil your fun! John has cancer on his gall bladder that has spread to his liver and is inoperable - but like a lot of us still being positive Also fact fans, John said he liked my shoes (hmmm?) and after some comparisons, I actually have bigger feet than he does. I'm sooo ashamed. Feeling a bit nauseous the last few days and still very tired but managing the drive to hospital so far. No weird sunburn yet I'm pleased to report. I'm also doing my very best not to look like I'm going to hospital in that I have only once resorted to joggers and a t-shirt with trainers. I get regular compliments on my chemo bag, now take my magazines into Kerry one of the radiographers since she made me promise - she pays for Closer every week so I take her Heat. Also got asked where I got a pair of shoes from by a really young student so I can't be looking too bad. Treated myself to a Nintendo DS Lite and am "attending" Dr Lobe's Brain Academy and training a German Shepherd called Spike - we won our first frisby contest so I've nearly got enough to "buy" another dog............no really! I got a bit of extra cash from an insurance policy (interest I wasn't expecting) and thought sod it I'll buy something frivolous. Will probably get RSI now in the PICC arm which I managed to make bleed and spoil my lovely white dressings (smaller than the size of a penny so nothing major but it was a bit sore). Now got most things down to a fine art whilst being permanently attached to a small shoulder bag via tubes, but have caught it a couple of times, as I said, not recommended! I have a little statistical* info for you - initial data from Valentine's day and recent results from 6th March after two weeks of drugs (free on the NHS no less!) My red cells (Hb) are up!!!!! +2.4% to be precise - I rock! I've not even been on the red wine or guinness, must just be good diet. Also Tyson doesn't seem to be bleeding so much lately. White cells are down 17.3% to 4.3 but they're still fine. Platelets were 306, now 296 so not much change there. Neutraphils were 3.2 now 2.64, down 17.5% best keep an eye on those babies. (they make up 65% of your white cells) *source Lincoln Hospital Now got lovely diarrhoea plus cystitis but not feeling too bad (except tired) in myself. Had serious painful cramps the last two mornings that I keep thinking are my delayed (maybe never to happen) period but turn out to be trapped wind. Doh. More peppermint tea required. Actually went out on Thursday night to work late Christmas party (dept one) which, having missed the company one preferring a biopsy and camera up bum I thought I should make an effort to attend. Had an indian - really can't eat anywhere near as much as I used to and had to leave before the ice cream/coffee so I could get to bed before 11pm but it was great to get out. I had a few prickly eye moments pulling into the car park and felt a bit panicky meeting Angela in my office but it was fine. My old managers didn't say a word, but I didn't go out of my way to talk to them either, the dept head did say it was good to see me, but for some bizzarre reason instead of saying what I really thought, I just said "it's a free meal!". Fact is having done 70 mile round trip to hospital for radio, then a 70 mile round trip in the opposite direction is VERY tiring for me so I had a two hour kip in the afternoon to make sure I wasn't too tired. Lots of laughs - always good medicine, and of course I dragged conversation down to gutter level on occassion just to remind them what they were missing. Scared a couple of people by saying that if my chemo leaked onto my skin it would probably melt it...............and no they didn't want to take a look at where the tube goes in my arm, men are such girls sometimes! Considering toilet problems I felt remarkably lively today and had a work mate round to taxi me to hospital (like to drag the average age of the room back down towards 50) and brought me a fantastic orchid! Now have to research how NOT to kill it! She sends great sarcastic emails that put mine to shame and makes me laugh out loud too so again more medicine. It is good to be reminded that you are still the person you were before cancer, however she got me to watch Jeremy Kyle against my better judgement - god I hope I don't get hooked on that. How do such beauty and personality deprived girls get more than one bloke to shag them in the same week so they don't know who the dad is???? I mean I'm not Kylie Minogue but I was a fair way from the ugly stick I think and I NEVER get that much attention Flog it is on now and I like a good antique. My bones feel old enough to be sold at auction lately although my brain is a B+ on Brain Academy so it ain't all bad.

2007 Mar 8th - Airing My "Bits"

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Both barrels! Category: Life Well I'm wearing my new PJs and slippers and dressing gown courtesy of work - I'm letting "air" get to my radiated bits on account of, well that was advice I was given! Tuesday we arrived at Lincoln hospital an hour early at 11am (mum left plenty of time since we went via her tractor) encountering NO traffic to speak of. Ho hum. Time for a cuppa and a sit down, oh and as I'm sure you're all aware now - a toilet visit. Mosied on round to oncology and checked in, then sat to wait for my first appointment with the lovely Dr Tom - at 13.20 - running an hour or so late, but you know it's reassuring to know if you need extra time you'll get it! I went in on my own and waited some more in a side room - eventually he came in, shook my hand (as mum says you have more confidence in a Dr who shakes your hand) and sat next to me, that in itself was a little odd. He went over side effects again but added that I'll be going through an early menopause as the beams will be going through my ovaries . So therefore I'll be having HRT sometime in the future, be at increased risk from heart disease, osteoporosis yadda yadda yadda, oh but reduced risk of breast cancer. Always a silver lining eh? And think of the money I'll save every three weeks! There's a very small (5% I think he said) chance that the beams will also zap my small intestine which could cause narrowing to the point where I need an operation to remove that section - oh goody! I'm already drinking buckets of water and cranberry drink to avoid cystitis as my bladder and uterus may also shrink and get upset. To quote Tubs from League of Gentleman "My insides are all wrong". More good news though, as they currently see node involvement (which they won't know for sure til they get lab results back after my op) as I'm doing 6 weeks continuous chemo now, I'll only need 4 months instead of 6 months post op chemo - 8 sessions so every fortnight. If by some magic after the TME (total mesorectal excision) where they take away my rectum and all the fatty mass containing the lymph nodes - anyway if, by some magic that comes back cancer free from the labs I may escape that chemo altogether. Well let's not get our hopes up yet - they're still expecting to give me chemo. Oh and I showed him my chemo bag - he said it's very fashionable or something, but he's not seen one as nice. Signed another consent form, shook hands then back to waiting room. Approximately an age later, despite "Sister" preferring chemo appointments to happen before radio - I go through for my first Tyson zapping. Had a chat through exactly what will happen and side effects again, checking that I've got lots of aqueous cream to soothe the burns and simple soap to wash with - oh and I need a "comfortably full" bladder. Ah well I've not been for an hour or so, which seems enough. Debagged again, face down on the bed in a massive room surrounded by very thick walls. A bit of shuffling me about to match me up to the tattoos and MORE drawing crosses on my backside - purple ones this time so at least they coordinate with my bag. First I get zapped on my front, then the machine moves around and zaps my right him, then my back, then left hip and it's all done. I'm getting two doses of 6mv and 10mv - 45gy. Whatever the hell that means . Back to the waiting room........ Again an age later and I go through to the (much bigger than Pilgrim) chemo suite. Another lovely nurse - I'm sure she was called Sarah, who gave me a card with website details for the kids to talk to other kids whose parents have cancer. She did yet another style of dressing, and because my skin is now getting sore and red under the constant dressings whipped out a magic flat lollypop thing which coated my bare skin and should help create a barrier between that and the sticky stuff. She also gave me spare dressings! That's great because after several attempts with the bathguard in the shower they get pretty grubby and start coming away then I get twitchy about infections in my "wound". All in all 5 hours at the hospital. Phew. Wednesday's visit - only one hour in total! Plus a brief encounter with my mate Pob - during which I remembered that coke does NOT agree with my insides any more even on a full MacDonalds veggie and cheese roll belly. Damn. bye for now! 19:42 - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Eeeyun

Yeah girl! You get that air to your bits... right on. Ahem... Gimme a shout if some company would be handy next time you're about. :) Posted by Eeeyun on Friday, March 09, 2007 at 14:19

2007 Feb 15th - PICC

15 Feb 2007

PICC is in! Category: Life Well it all went well on Wednesday. Took my car to the garage for an MOT and service - telling them I'm off to hospital and may be unable to drive so pick it up Thursday. After 6 visits to mum's bathroom (and she's on a water meter eek) we set off - got there nice and early at 13.45 - appt at 2pm. Dr in a meeting so after a drink, another loo visit it was 14.15 when I found someone who then rang him. I didn't get any local anaesthetic cream!!! It was apparently just a scratch but I tensed a fair bit, and was asked to put my chin on my right shoulder (the arm with the PICC) at which point Doc asked if I could feel it in my throat - "NO!" I said in horror, "oh it's not coming out of your ears either that's good!" what a rotter! His phone was ringing as soon as he'd got gowned up and the nurse and I joked it might be a special lady calling as it was valentine's day ( he denied having feelings for a certain lady Dr at a different hospital as she's about to retire - he looks about my age, mid thirties). Thank god for a sense of humour, because yes there was a very hot puddle of blood on my pillow which had run out of my arm, eeew. Off to x-ray, half hour wait, then to a cubicle - to undress. With one hand. My left hand! Bra - pretty tricky! Half an hour later I was out and dressed again - took a bit longer to put the bra on than take it off. Back to the chemo suite (all chairs though no sofas and they're all waterproof ). Luckily the line is in alright so no wiggling necessary. I had my line flushed (10 ml of warfarinised saline) bloods taken, then flushed again. Plenty of wadding to pad it out and protect it and all held in place with two giant seethrough waterproof plasters. Off to my house to collect daughter and overnight bag - and feed Alfie rabbit. Back to mum's for chicken curry, an alcoholic coffe (for shock of course) and an amaretto (for erm sleep?). Sleeping was a bit tricky since my arm was aching and sore and very cold, but eventually I went off, woke a couple of times but I hadn't bled all over mum's spare bed, so went back to sleep! THURSDAY After picking my newly legal (MOTd) and serviced car we set off for the hospital again - got there early so had a cuppa and a read then off to get my second free arm wax - god that hurts having those plasters taken off. The wound was cleaned again - not much bruising so I was very impressed, I've seen worse after blood tests. That really stings when it's been cleaned up - like poking a grazed knee with a salty stick (or so I imagine). Then I had a statlock stuck on my arm to hold it in place. The nurse (Hylda) went over side effects - nausea, sore hands and feet, gritty and watery eyes - that kind of thing. If I get an infection I'll have to go into hospital for a few days - taking temperature daily from next week then! My first pump of 5FU will be connected to the PICC next Tuesday 2pm and then another the following Tuesday then after that I should be starting my five weeks radio - plus another four weekly pump changes at Lincoln. I now have a bright pink wallet with my chemo record in - to record each treatment and side effects - which I'll need to keep with me at all times. Oh and so long as the delivery arrives I'll get a lovely bum bag to hold the drugs - fabbo! I thought I was going to cry clutching my pink wallet for all to see (I saw another woman had one with her in the chemo suite - hope the men get blue ones!) because it's just one more signal that this is all real. I didn't, there was lunch to be had and shopping to be done! Lunch was yummy, beef cobbler with chips, sweetcorn and mixed veg with black earl grey. Managed to find a pair of jeans to fit my ever expanding butt into - size 14 but I know I'm likely to lose a stone over the next few months and I don't want to lose anything but fat so let it all pile on! Having cancer is NOT a time for dieting or watching what you eat. Thankfully I won't be on steroidal anti-emetics if any because as I'm having chemo 24 hours a day for 6 weeks at a low dose I should be alright. Wandering round the shops for an hour or so is not something I can see me managing after next week, I was knackered by the time we got back to mum's so early night for me tonight. Back to work tomorrow - for how long I don't know. See how Tuesday goes first.

2007 Feb 5th - Lisa Almond - The Film (read comments)

Monday, February 05, 2007

Retail Therapy! After 10 toilet visits on Saturday (managing 40 minutes to try on some clothes and buy a nice long top to cover swollen belly/bag/stitches etc in the coming months) I was pretty much "pooped". Karys had her joint party at the Fun Farm (massive ball pool/slides etc) so I had the house to myself and ..............oh went to bed! Read, a lot. Couldn't sleep - stuff going round in my head, why can't I just be normal? Karys stayed at her friends after the party and then spent today at her boyfriends, I think maybe she wanted to be normal for a weekend too. Spend time in a house where there are two parents, where no-one is sick, where you she doesn't have to cook or help with the housework. I wish I could escape to a normal life for a day! Well I did the next best thing, had a roast chicken dinner at mum's, followed by bargain hunting in the outlet at Springfields! I now have several long tops to cover stitches/staples/wounds/bags/swellings and they're all bargains, didn't pay more than £17 for anything in fact after £17 the next most expensive was £11 and the cheapest was a shirt for £2 woohoo! Back to work tomorrow, so better get off to bed! Only 4 toilet trips today....so far. 4:09 - 13 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	janey jane jane	I really think you should write all this for a book you know. xx Posted by janey jane jane on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 07:47 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala	Funny you should say that, we've been discussing today how my boss Angela is going to come and see me in my garden with a book and pen. I'll be sitting on an old wooden wheelchair (Tom's Secret Garden) with a tartan blanket on my knee looking wan and sipping weak lemon drink. Somedays I'll be "too tired" to talk and tell my story - it's going to be my entire life story by the way. Today we were casting for the film - Uma Thurman is playing me and Helena Bonham-Carter will be Angela, I thought Judi Dench for my mum but that's as far as we got. Nominations please for your actor/actress. Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 17:51 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Billy Bollockchops	I think Peter Cook would be perfect for me. Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 19:35 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala	Peter Cook is a) older than your dad and b) dead oh and c) grey. Now be sensible and pick someone tall dark and handsomer (it's a film and if Uma has to snog him whilst pushing him in front of cars she's gonna be dead picky) Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 20:00 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Billy Bollockchops	But I love Peter Cook and he's just like me. You're already in fantasy land planning a movie about a book that you've not even written, why not stretch the fantasy a bit further and have a young Peter Cook as me? Spoilsport! I don't know any actors my age anyway. Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 20:18 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala	Hmmm, what about Johnny Depp? Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 20:25 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Billy Bollockchops	Hang on, did you say he'd have to snog Uma Thurman? In that case, I can't think of anyone better to play me, than me! Oh and while we're at it, maybe you could spice it up a little and put a sex-scene in there somewhere? Ta thanks! Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 20:38 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Hayley	Do you think we could get Rene Zellweger for me as I know she is prepared to put on weight for her film roles. Posted by Hayley on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 18:16 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala	Sorry love, Rene is the spitting image of Amy in our office, Amy is also American and wears cool shoes (and says my hair is "cute" now I've had it cut so she obviously has great taste). It has to be Jane Fonda for your mum and I thought that bloke out of Jurassic park for your dad (beard and everything). Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Monday, February 05, 2007 at 19:59 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Hayley	ok, I'll settle for audrey tautou, atleast she'll be able to do the french dialogue but she's gonna have to wear padding on her ass. Posted by Hayley on Tuesday, February 06, 2007 at 16:00 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Umpalumpa	Ok I can't think of anybody SHORT enough to play me tut............................. Posted by Umpalumpa on Wednesday, February 07, 2007 at 17:26 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala	hmmm who played the umpalumpas in the Johnny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Maybe they could tone down the fake tan and bleach their green hair blonde Ouch, there's no need to throw things at me, it was just a joke Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Wednesday, February 07, 2007 at 21:31 [Remove] [Reply to this]

Umpalumpa

Grrrrrrrrr Posted by Umpalumpa on Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 11:30