2007 Jul 24th - Chemo Round 2 No. 1

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Side effects. Category: Life Ooof! That there chemo, it's chuffing amazing. No, I don't mean that in a good way. Tuesday - not too bad, the cold affected hands, mouth, face, throat and then feet I accepted gracefully. I observed them rather than endured them - I find this is a much better approach with critical illness, no point wasting your precious breath moaning about your lot. Wednesday - OK it's kicking in now, I'm shattered but must get up because my son is coming today, just because I'm connected to evil drugs doesn't stop me wanting to see my last baby. I spent most of his visit in bed but he wanted to spend more time with me (bless him) so he stayed longer the next day instead of going into town with his sister and friends. Thursday - He made me biscuits - supposed to be ginger, but I only had fresh and no ground so they are mixed spice instead - ginger to help with the nausea that the anti-emetics dull but don't quite eradicate. Not long afterwards he was complaining of a headache so he laid on the sofa with his head near my lap and I stroked his head and his hair - he asked me to magic it away but it didn't work. Eventually after trying to get him to drink more water we tried a painkiller - within minutes he was rushing upstairs as white as a sheet, bent over the porcelain throne. I held his hair out of his face, stroked his back and somehow, though I really don't know how, kept my own bile in it's place along with the biscuits we'd tasted earlier. Nothing like watching, hearing and smelling someone being physically ill to make you feel worse is there? Still shaky I drove him home when he was well enough and picked his sister up from seeing her dad - ALL CHANGE! Apparently he was sick again and then slept it off. I'm guessing he's inherited my god awful migraines then. The ones that put me in hospital for 4 days the first time - I go blind in one eye temporarily so that's always nice . Poor kid. At least they don't make me hurl any more - that stopped after the first 20 years............... Friday again not feeling very good at all. Eventually dragged myself into the shower and to change PTW's bag - always has been an exhausting feat doing both in succession but it's satisfying feeling 100% clean for those few minutes before mount vesuvius starts erupting again and the countdown to the dreaded "CHANGE ME NOW BEFORE I MACERATE YOUR ENTIRE ABDOMEN" itch begins. I was just brushing my wet hair out and struggling into a dress which fit before surgery and now gapes shockingly at my chest making me look slightly emaciated when my precious Umpalumpa and only nephew arrived. "You DO look poorly today Auntie Lisa" he said. Yes Luke, I feel it. I made the mistake of trying to brush my teeth before 3pm and nearly lost what little food I'd managed to swallow that morning down the sink. Sheer determination kept it down I think and gravity and perhaps my peristaltic motion isn't as forceful as it used to be - age has some benefits then? I was actually shaking by the time I came downstairs. Luckily after some home made concoctions of (100% protein) soya yoghurt, blended pears, ginger and cinnamon and some tortillas I started to feel better. By Saturday I was feeling quite a lot better and was up to a visit to mum's where my special friend of over 25 years came to see us from France (third time this year, I must be ill!). Managed some meandering around shops with mum without flaking. Sunday - think I overdid it on Saturday! Spent the day in bed aching and feeling pretty shattered but my mind at least was lively and up to a long chat with Auntie Susan. So, it's looking like 5 crap days and then 9 good ones, well the first of the 5 isn't so bad but the side effect of not being able to eat, drink or touch cold food/drinks is pretty tricky to manage. I miss being able to guzzle pints of water even at room temperature. 20:34 - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Bad Fish	Oh Sweetheart, I really feel for you. At least I can eat (although everything tastes stagnant). I found some really good ginger chews, but they get really hot towards the end, so maybe not such a great idea! At least your kids are being sympathetic... Posted by Bad Fish on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 at 13:39 [Remove] [Reply to this]

Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Yeah stagnant - very good choice of word there my dear! You should have SEEN me wolfing down all manner of things on Monday night though - snaffled a chunk of pizza (not a whole slice but it was a fatty), most of a chicken shish kebab (only half the pitta bread and salad - cucumber made me feel a little odd but I ignored it) , a lot of minstrels and white maltesers about a pint of diet coke - after it had stood long enough to go quite flat. Ginger chews............mmmm. I've got some peeled ginger in the freezer which I grate on stuff with an oven glove, but not seen any chews, they ARE for humans aren't they? Things called chews just make me thing DOG. Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Wednesday, August 01, 2007 at 13:52

2007 Apr 23rd - A Date With the Surgeon

Monday, April 23, 2007

Appointment with the surgeon......... Category: Life Ooooer. Just had a phone call from the Bostonian wing (private, thank you, thank you work benefits) of the hospital. My surgeon wants to see me, tomorrow!!! Can I make it? Too damn right I can, I was just thinking last night that I might ring today and see what's what. Feeling a bit nervous now, don't know why it's just a consultation, he can't have anything bad to tell me as there are no new test results to be had, I've had them all. I suppose I'm a bit concerned in case he says "you'll definitely need a permanent colostomy, there's no way I can put your insides back together again". Again, until he's opened me up, had a squeeze of my liver and other organs to check for tumours that haven't shown up on scans, he won't know. But still. Glad it's short notice, I hate waiting. It feels like all I did for months was wait......for someone to listen and believe I had a serious problem.........for tests....for test results.........for diagnosis.........more tests.........more results..........start of treatment...............and now surgery. I've had 12 days of doing exactly as I please and it's been great but it's a bit of a limbo - something to be made the most of, my last few weeks as a complete human body with all my organs "working" pretty well. I had the busiest Saturday of my life I think, I met the beautiful Sheena who I used to share an office with and is about to start her new role on one of our magazines actually writing! She's unbelievably lovely and has a great sense of humour which seems to fit with mine. A slip of girl, she's tiny! But full of sunshine. We met for "breakfast" at 10 am in a little bookshop cafe and nattered, ashamed to say I bored her with my symptoms for too long, for two and a half hours. Fabulous! We drank herbal tea and she had a lavender scone, I had a gluten free pancake stuffed with spinach and veg. Then I went to mum's and we had lunch in the Ivy Wall - I had veg soup but had to give the lovely soft nutty, seedy brown bread to mum (sob) but as a treat ate the croutons - big mistake, had bloaty tummy and felt a bit off after that. More solar lights for the garden and MORE grains and non-wheat flours from the health food shop (god brown rice is SO heavy) where I had another pain attack and hobbled round the shop wishing for a chair, or toilet. Eventually found relief in a grubby public loo - thankfully I always have tissues in my bag these days, proper mum thing to do, as there was no paper. Urgh. Bought even MORE plants for the garden which as I write are being watered in very nicely by the rain. And so on to the evening meal (where I didn't actually eat anything) - a barbie at a friend's house. It was great, I couldn't be bothered to put on any make-up and went dressed as I'd been all day. Saw the crowd I used to see quite regularly when I had a social life and went out..........all those many months ago. I've not really seen them much in the last two years really. It was a bit odd as I wasn't sure who knew about Tyson and who didn't. When people you've not seen for ages say "how are you?" what do you say, I stuck with, "yeah not bad thanks, you?". A bloke I had a bit of a fling with way back was there too, looking younger and fitter than ever (curses) which was nice, to see him, but made me a bit sad. I just can't see me anything other than single now. I was bloody independent before, but now, I'll be so much worse. He did say I was looking good (all considered) and seemed to be handling things really well - that I have his number if I need anything. Obviously I'd never ask, I can't ask people I've known for years - if someone says "I'm going to do X for you" and is specific they're in with a chance, but it's just too hard for me to ask. I know after the op I'll have to give in for a while at least. For now though, I'm on top of the garden ish, The house isn't spotless but it's relatively tidy, lived in I'd say. The ironing can go swivel, it'll be nice to discover a new wardrobe when I ever get around to it - maybe this afternoon since it's started to rain. I like cooking my new meat,dairy, fat, sugar, fruit, alcohol, caffeine and wheat free diet - it's interesting and takes me back to the five years I had off with the kids when I'd just cook everything from scratch and work my way through recipe books. My "aunty" Susan called last night which was lovely. She has a way of saying things that if anyone else said them I'd be upset like "there are a lot worse things that could have happened" but she's known me since I was born. She also said I'm being saved for someone very special (lets face it he's gonna have to be pretty bloody remarkable to put up with me without cancer and missing bodily parts and functions). The best thing she said was that I'm still Lisa, I'm still loved and the cancer, treatments and operations can't take any of that away. 12:29 - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Caroline	So glad your seeing your consultant tomorrow Lisa and not having to wait for appointment. Your aunty is right Lisa - your still you and nothing can change that. This bloody BC is devastating on all our lives, but the main thing is you have a lot of good friends and family to support you and love you. Just keep that sense of humour in tact and take each day at a time! I know being single is not all its cracked up to be and like you would very much like to meet someone really special one day. There is a special person out there - we just haven't met them yet! You never know what's round the corner with life - all I can say is enjoy each day to the max! Wheras I use to cook everything from scratch - I've now gone to already prepared, but still eating healthy - my veg is fresh, but already chopped - salad already prepared etc., - I try to make an effort on non chemo weekends when the girls come over for dinner - they take it in turns on chemo weekends to cook for me here - so its kind of balanced - well as balanced and healthy as i can make it for now. Jodi my youngest also comes round mid week to cook which is great when someone else has prepared it!! Take care my friend and enjoy the gardening - although you say it was like a jungle before when you brought the house - just putting in a few hours work and planting up makes a big big difference! Just don't do too much! By the way - love the shoe pics. Take care love Caz x Posted by Caroline on Monday, April 23, 2007 at 17:49 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	GlitterGirl....	Hello my lovely Glad you're seeing the knife man..I hope he'll give you lots of reassurance. Don't worry that he's going to tell you anything bad. Once they smell BUPA, they suddenly want to see you very regularly (I may be a cynical old witch, but often it's basically so they can bill your insurance co for several hundred quid!!) I see mine every 3 months, he prods my scar, asks how I am "coping emotionally" (but I think he'd die if I said anything other than "ummm...okay I think ta") then sends BUPA a ruddy great bill!! No skin off my nose especially as he is SO DAMN attractive...!! Still can't believe the grandparent's village thing...kept telling people about it (they know about the bum bandits) this weekend and got the standard "gerrraway.." reaction - it is soooo weird...! I will e-mail you separetely anyway chick. Take care...and enjoy the enforced rest from gardening caused by this weather!! I have just bought garden furniture from Tesco - very cheap - but I don't want to put it outside in the rain yet so it's clogging up my kitchen!! Beginning to wish I'd bought a flat.... ;o) K xxxxoooo Posted by GlitterGirl.... on Monday, April 23, 2007 at 22:58 [Remove] [Reply to this]

GlitterGirl....

Oooh and count yourself lucky running into your ex at a party...I ran into The Man Who Broke My Heart (TM) in the supermarket. It happened to be buy 9 loo rolls, get 9 free...I was staggering towards the till clutching no less than 18 rolls of bog paper when he came into view with his stunning, skinny, younger than me new gf...I still want to cry thinking about it! The glamour!! Posted by GlitterGirl.... on Monday, April 23, 2007 at 23:07

2007 Apr 13th - Torpedoes Launched

13 Apr 2007

Torpedoes launched! Category: Life Ooo my good mate/boss came over yesterday, she was "working from home" at my house. Well she mentioned work once I think, does that count? She arrived with M&S grain selection (as I'm off lots of bad foods at least until Tyson has been evicted to starve him but feed myself) which was yummy, a pile of gossip/celeb mags from work, thickening hair serum for next lot of chemo and dry shampoo for those days when I can't be bothered with the hair washing! Also for some bizarre reason I got a pay rise - letter in post today, very odd considering the man holding my particular fate wanted to shove me out his dept onto a temp contract after 6 years in the business, so I'd have no job and no redundancy, maybe it's delayed guilt at never once enquiring after my health or well being. Oh hang on, I'll be on half pay hahahahahaha, it won't cost them much at all! Anyway it reminded me of funny comment made by Dr Tom. I'd told him about the poorly skin so he wanted to take a look. He'd obviously imagined that some of the pain was external and was surprised to see two sores the size of 10pence pieces - he said "that's reassuring". Angela said, "hang on a minute, your oncologist said it was reassuring looking at your arse?" Cue fits of girly laughter...............it was funny at the time honest, maybe you had to be there......... In true girly gossip fashion we discussed her new "love interest" who she's seen for about two hours three times over the course of three weeks. Big belly laughs all round - so felt much better after her visit AND torpedo painkilling steroids are working!!! Still get pains but bearable ones. It's really good to forget all about cancer, drugs, treatments etc just for a few hours and just be silly and girly. I almost wanted to go out to the pub, then didn't as it would involve too much effort. By the time I'd have got myself presentable I would have been too tired and had to have a kip. Had a tired start - awake before 9 and refused to go back to sleep. Eventually had a mad cooking frenzy whipping up some brown rice and root veg mash with cauliflower (and some to freeze), vegetable soup (to freeze), rhubarb crumble (free rhubarb courtesy Lesley's farm and garden shop) and then whipped up some turkey stirfry thingy with veg and oven chips for Karys and her BF. Drove her BF home and realised, I've been in the kitchen for several hours, no wonder my back is hurting and I'm cream crackered!

2007 Aprl 7th - More Bleeding

07 Apr 2007

Out out damn spot.............. Category: Life Blood, all I can see is blood I can hardly contain my dismay and despair.........I've now got a can of mousse with a giant plastic syringe to stop the internal inflammation and apparent ripping apart of my insides, aqueous cream for "intact skin" all around my pelvis and now hydrogel for the bits where my skin appears to have been melted off. And NOW another sodding PERIOD! I mean honestly! I got all excited after having one every third week instead of every four, I was 10 days late, then I have a whole week where nothing appears to be bleeding (well apart from the melted skin) and whammo it all kicks off again. I'm supposed to be getting air to the melted skin, however it's a bit tricky when you have to practically wear a nappy to cope with all these "emissions". I might as well just get a commode and sit on that all day............ On a lighter note I started with my new "feed Lisa, starve Tyson" plan - this involves avoiding sugar, wheat, dairy, meat and processed foods mostly. Before you all moan and groan and say "oh you should eat what you fancy if you're ill" that's all well and good but I can't be bothered to cook half the time so I've been eating rubbish and that isn't helping anything. A salad with Quinoa (complete protein that's sort of a cross between rice and seeds) for lunch, then for dinner we had salmon, steamed brocolli, roasted: carrots, parsnips, spuds and garlic for dinner and it was yummy, threw a few herbs in and some olive oil and everyone was happy. I'm making soup with some veg and the steaming water from the brocolli and will attempt to get up early enough to have porridge with soya milk. I've stocked up on supplements and vitamins to add to what I'll be eating to make sure I don't miss out on anything - plan courtesy of Mel in Oz who's a qualified nutritionist and has put it together with the evil Tyson and chemo in mind. I have said I won't be strict properly until after Easter because Umpalumpa sent an egg with the Easter Bunny and obviously that has to be eaten - rude not to. It's a sort of reversed Lent! Urgh I suppose I should go to sleep so better go spend half an hour in the bathroom with lotions and potions.............god I hope I don't mix up the Tigi products.............