Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Sunday, 20 January 2008

2007 Sep 25th - Families and Bullying

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


My space - is EXACTLY that - mine and I can do whatever I want.
Category: Blogging

I made my profile private due to repeated hate mail from a pathetic young man who seems to think it's big and clever to victimise a disabled cancer patient who doesn't know how long they have left to live and will spend the next three to five years waiting for the all too likely recurrence. Apparently for someone who has lost a grandparent (i.e. someone who has lived long enough to actually see their kids grow up AND their grandchildren, something I may not get to do) it is perfectly reasonable to behave in thie way according to his father and my mother. Apparently I have caused all my hurt over the last 30 odd years, myself. So has my sister caused hers. Apparently I deserve the name calling. Apparently I have an "agenda".

Here is my agenda:

1. - ignore people who want to hurt me and cause more stress and perpetuate neutropenia

2. - get well enough to have the dreaded last four chemo sessions

3. - recover from chemo sufficiently and hope that the other problems I've been having will not prevent my reversal going ahead.

4. - have a successful reversal with as much quality of life as can be expected having lost so much of my insides

5. - return to work (not full time)

6. - spend as much time as possible with my children

7. - spend as much time as possible staying in touch with friends and family, especially those in Derbyshire who have been such a great support.

8. - NOT get a recurrence in my liver, lungs, bones or brain EVER.

9. - have the ability to get through the next 5 years without panic attacks of thinking another tumour is making itself known at the slightest twinge.

10. - carry on writing about my cancer experience in the hope that it helps more people realise they are not alone, that problems can be over come and it is worth fighting for your life.

I didn't want them reading and misquoting or misinterpreting or in fact generally missing the entire point of anything I write, much worse being vain enough to assume everything revolves around them. "You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you.........".

I also don't see why my mother should be able to read about my lack of good health if she can't be bothered to respond to my last message, phone (mobile or house), text, write or email, let alone a visit to sort out the hurt she has caused.

However my main aim with myspace was to spread the word about colorectal cancer, especially in those of us unfortunate to suffer at such a young age with young children.

Due to many requests from people who want to read about my progress, who use my blogs for information and support for others with colorectal cancer I have therefore made my profile public again and blocked the people who I have no wish to communicate with. I do not have to put up with bullying or lies any more. I spent my life doing that, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my years, however short or long surrounding myself with the people who have known me and who love me. I have some very good friends, some of whom I've known for 25 years, though due to not being allowed friends to visit me at home or even allowed to telephone they never met my parents/step-parents until the last year.

I spent any time I could at weekends with these friends and was welcomed into their family homes where I at least learned what a healthy loving family looked like. If it hadn't been for these families I don't think I would have managed to bring up two lovely children who are well mannered, loving and most importantly normal - in that they are not ruled by fear. Nor would I have realised that sharing custody of my children with their father was the best thing for them (though certainly not for me) when we split up.

All through the pain of growing up knowing things that happened to me were wrong, my friends were there for me, their parents were there for me. Mine weren't. I'd like to say thank you to the people concerned, especially those who I know will be reading this. Thank you for getting me through the really tough times so I could be here today and giving me the will to fight to be here tomorrow.

15:52 - 15 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Peter

Thinking of you. Sorry it's the best I can do,
Peter

Posted by Peter on Tuesday, September 25, 2007 at 21:37
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

thanks cyber uncle Peter!

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 16:42
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carol

I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with all that crap on top of everything else.

I don't pretend to know all the ins and outs of your family relationships but I do know that the most important thing right at this moment is that you get well for your and your children's sake.

Take comfort in their love, congratulate yourself daily that YOU have managed to make them into the wonderful children they are and in those moments of despair when you look at your children and wonder how your own mother could treat you this way, remember that there are a lot of people who do care, even relative strangers like me, who wish you a speedy and PERMANENT recovery.

Keep that fighting spirit going and get those neutra-whatsits multiplying!

Posted by carol on Tuesday, September 25, 2007 at 21:38
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Thank you Carol, I had a particularly bad couple of days but now we're just concentrating on a fantastic weekend this weekend - me, sis and the kids!

Not sure who's most excited out of the six of us!

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 16:44
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Mandy

You go girl! You're doing fabulously, keep it up even in the face of adversity.

Big hugs x

Posted by Mandy on Tuesday, September 25, 2007 at 23:27
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Hugs back to you Mandy, we'll get there in the end. x

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 16:45
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Pamela

Glad you're making your profile public again. I've read all your blogs, blinking back the tears, but this one broke me.

You don't need, and certainly don't deserve any of this negative stuff. Like Carol said, there are a LOT of people who DO care.

Keep up the fight. xxxxxx

Posted by Pamela on Tuesday, September 25, 2007 at 23:27
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Sorry Pam, I think I've just become numb to it all now and it doesn't make me cry so much, hope you had enough tissues :o(

Having a much better day today though in a lot of pain from the neutra thingy wotsit maker injections - oof.

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 16:46
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Hayley

Ok, I know I'm pregnant but that blog would have made me cry anyway. For 25 years I have been very proud to be your friend and I love you very much and I know you dont deserve any of this crap, particularly from your so-called mother. I wonder why she thinks she wasnt at your wedding way back when, that's when I met Umpa and some of your other relatives. Funny how I just accepted her abscence from your life during our formative years, you never referred to her or your "home" but I was always happy that you spent time with me at mine. Considering everything that has happened to you - from your childhood abuse to losing your babies and now, this bastard cancer - You've got to be an amazingly strong person. More than that, you are one of the few people I know I can rely on and who I'd trust to fight Elizabeth's corner if I wasnt around. Words I would use to describe you are loyal, honest, sincere, brave, funny, clever, loving, - I dont recognise the person that is referred to by your mother or her new family and frankly, they dont deserve you.

By the way, you missed 1 item off the agenda - come to France and have a gin night with me!

Posted by Hayley on Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 16:28
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Again sorry for inducing tears. Funny thing is she WAS at my wedding, but told me before hand she would only be at the service (10 whole mins of their time) and wasn't coming back to the house. Then she told people Jack had a migraine and couldn't come back to the house. They knew she was lying since I'd already told everyone! I didn't have a home until I met the kids dad, but I've had one ever since and my kids, my nieces and nephew and Biz/Tarzan will also always have a home here if needed.

Gin party is a given, doesn't need to be on the agenda!

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Wednesday, September 26, 2007 at 16:49
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Hayley

Finally, i have found the perfect gift for you - they sell a most disgusting sausage here and i've never known what its made of.....until now:

Andouille Sausage = chitterings or the lining of the rectum!!!!!

Do you want me to send one over? Maybe you could give it to Dr Tom???

Posted by Hayley on Friday, September 28, 2007 at 10:48
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

I feel awful sick Dr Tom.........I think it's myspace comments that are doing it!

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Friday, October 05, 2007 at 18:30
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Bad Fish

Hey sweetheart, I still love you!

Posted by Bad Fish on Friday, October 05, 2007 at 18:08
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

And I love me too, I mean you (hehe) even if I am jealous that you appear to look younger than me. Harumpf.

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Friday, October 05, 2007 at 18:31

2007 Sep 24th - Families & Hate Mail (Hate Male?)

Monday, September 24, 2007


Hate mail.
Category: Life

Here is a message I received today from my mother's boyfriend's son. A man she met in person, having met him on myspace, at the end of July.

Comments most welcome on how I should respond - apart from ignoring the little worm of course.

Dear oh dear, I see you have sunk to new levels of nastyness, blogging about your mother, my father, and my sister and my dads dog in a nasty way, do you really have nothing better to do? do you really have that much hate in you? I for one am not gonna stand back and let you spread your messages of hate! maybe one day you will read what poison you have been spouting and feel some remorse but then again I doubt it, what do you see when you look in the mirror? I bet its a very disturbed woman overpowered by hate and resentment, how old are you? isnt it about time you grew up a little instead of purposely going out of your way to hurt my family, im not gonna lie down and let you do it, I have a good, decent family and they do not deserve the poisonous rants from a woman who doesnt even know them, oh and to go back on your previous email to me when you said I dont know anything about cancer... I was in hospital having surgery last week , when the 6th member of my family my grandad died from cancer!! so shut up, grow up, and stop being pathetic, its tedious and only makes you look stupid, my father is happy at the moment and its the first time ive seen him so in 25 years why cant you just let them get on with it, does it really bother you that much? i dont know you , but I know this much about you , you appear to be a nasty vile poisonous little bitch!

I should point out I said that unless he had walked in my shoes (ie HAVING cancer), receiving major surgery etc he cannot tell me how I feel about it. I did not say he knew nothing about cancer, simply that he knew nothing of my personal experience of it and how upset I felt at the previous hate mail he sent me. If you can spot where I have identified any of the people he claims I'm writing about in my blogs, then please point it out. It's not the first abuse I've had from him but it will be the last. Last time I suggested he pick his rattle up as he appeared to have thrown it out of his pram - then a while of nothing and then the above. I'm sure he's a lovely chap really.

I asked his dad if he thought this was bullying - since he posted a blog about cyberbullies:

No, it's not bullying. It's a grieving grandson in pain and just out of King's Mill Hospital letting off a bit of steam at what he perceives as an injustice because he's gone to the trouble of getting to know the two people involved in what appears to be an on-going saga.

From my sister:

I have typed and re-typed an answer to this, but cannot put into words how I feel about this, words just fail me. Needless to say I am disgusted.

Bullying is NOT the same as stating facts. Johnny's comments are not fact, they are vicious and I cannot believe you condone this kind of behaviour.

All you can see is one side of a VERY sad mess. You should try and look at the whole picture, not just the outline.

From Peter: Deleting of parents out of the blue, libellously accusing her past partners (including her late husband) of indescribably bad treatment about which that parent knew and still knows nothing, making profiles secret for "friends only" like a private club in which poison can fester unchallenged, and posting blogs with provocative titles that those being aimed at can't read, those are disgusting. It's about time the two of you stopped wallowing in self-created misery and looked at reasons and whys and wherefores and did something about it before it's too late. AND THAT IS AN END TO IT ON MY PROFILE.

And again from Peter:

I'll set the history, briefly, straight. The Lisa who penned it is my friend Dorothy's daughter and she has taken exception to Dorothy's relationship with me even though she has never met me and only knows of me courtesy of my blogs and other Myspace contributions. For the record, Dorothy and I are firm friends and have no intention of letting vitriolic messages on a public medium divide us, though what we both want more than anything is the acceptance of both her family and mine of what is a loving and caring relationship that has evolved between us. My own family have all gone to the trouble of meeting and getting to know Dorothy, and, of course, they can't help liking her, as I believe would any decent person. I would have welcomed a similar status in the eyes of her family, but if they don't want to know me or even meet me I am not prepared to force myself on them: that would be wrong. At the moment Dorothy (whom many of you know via her profile and own blogs etc) has suffered the indignity of being "deleted" by people who should be close enough to her to know a great deal better, and the "poionous bitch" name used in the above quotation would appear to have been well and truly earned and consequently has nothing to do with bullying of any sort. I have removed some earlier comments that have trawled through the childhood of their writers looking for examples of unhappiness and have been far from pleasant to somebody who believes herself to have found a decent and caring relationship in her later years. I have been in the terrible position of having to help and offer what comfort I can during tearful and sleepless nights. So far as my own Myspace pages are concerned this is an end to it and I will delete all future observations that seem to me to be unfair.

In fact neither my sister and I have received no reply to our last contact with our "mother" for several weeks - she chose to ignore us and allow her new boyfriend and his family to do her dirty work.

6:56 - 9 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

janey jane jane

Ohhh dearrr oh dear oh dear...ignore the fuckwit babe. Sounds a right twat. LOL

Posted by janey jane jane on Monday, September 24, 2007 at 12:51
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Hayley

The phrase "soft in the head" springs to mind........

Dont waste your time with him - cant you just block him from your myspace? Or is this sent to your private email?

And you thought your family was weird!!!!!

Posted by Hayley on Monday, September 24, 2007 at 12:51
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Billy Bollockchops

Haha! They have to be the biggest bunch of patronising, pompous, self-righteous cretins ever. He sounds mad though! So mad that he repeatedly used commas instead of full-stops and missed out the ever so important capital letters and apostrophes.

That said, I've read a few previous blogs of his and they were all littered with similar illiteracies. Has he never heard of paragraphs??? It's almost unreadable. His Dad, as an ex-English teacher, must be so proud.

As for your Mum, I don't know how she can sleep at night. No, not because there's a creepy old man "quivering" in her bed like some vile sex-pest, but because she has apparently blinkered herself to all the abuse and neglect you've been through at the hands of her and her previous boyfriends. Who knows why? Maybe it's because she's so ashamed that she can't bear to admit to herself that what happened? But from what I know, I'm guessing that ignoring the truth helps her maintain the illusion of being the perfect parent & partner. We should nickname her "The Chameleon" because she manages to change everything about her and her past to fit in with her current surroundings. The terrible thing is, she can get away with it because in changing into her new, "magnificent" persona, she manages to alienate everyone else.

This may seem a little off-topic but it's not. The way I see it, you started off trying to subtly point out to her latest adopted family that she's totally full of shit. Then, some-time after reading various blogs and comments etc, you realised that they had already reached such levels of pig-headed arseholiness WITHOUT the aid of your Mother and were therefore beyond help and quite well suited after all. As a last resort, you tried your best to get your Mum to accept what happened in the past and make amends/get some sort of closure etc. Sadly, that didn't happen and now her gang are trying to fight back to protect the honour of their fellow cretins.

Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Monday, September 24, 2007 at 12:52
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

I laughed out loud so much (after a lot of crying which I find totally pointless and further increases my dehydration risk) my tummy hurt.

Funny how you having known me only a couple of years know so much. Nails WELL and TRULY hit on the head.

Not a single attempt at contact from the "mother" to date, but apparently she's told his family WE cut her off? Uh huh, that's why our last two mails have remained unanswered is it?

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Monday, September 24, 2007 at 15:01
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Umpalumpa

Peter said: posting blogs with provocative titles that those being aimed at can't read, those are disgusting

awwww Peter deleted my comment:

Says the man that writes about his and my mother's sex life in a public blog. That is hypocrisy.

If my mother would like to answer why she left me alone aged 5 with my 8 year old sister looking after me, abandoned her eldest daughter and left my sister with a man that she new to be an alcoholic with mental problems then fairplay, but she hasn't so I can only assume she knows she was wrong.

I assume you will delete this as the truth hurts. Truth, as I said is NOT bullying.

You have no idea of how this has affected US Peter; you just see ONE side of things.


To summarise: They are all Fuckwits. Mummy, Daddy and BIG BABY Fuckwit.

Posted by Umpalumpa on Monday, September 24, 2007 at 17:28
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Billy Bollockchops

"libellously accusing her past partners (including her late husband) of indescribably bad treatment"

I was under the impression that it was only libel if it's not true?

Anyway, back to poor Dorothy! It must be *really* dreadful for her. Having people "besmirch" the idyllic illusion (And for all you sycophantic old slappers, I'll add a witty aside..."delusion, more like!") of her past that she'd been so proudly exuding to her new family.

It really makes me cringe, people lap up all these rose-tinted memories from the wonky old coot and blank out anything said to the contrary by the people who know her better (by virtue of them actually being family members and knowing her for more than a few months). "Self-created misery" my arse.

Posted by Billy Bollockchops on Monday, September 24, 2007 at 17:27
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Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala

Oh well she has Peter to comfort her now doesn't she? He also moans that I've made my profile private - um is that an offence then? I thought myspace security options were down to the individual.

Obviously I decided to be adopted by a mad alcoholic and I decided my mother should have affairs and jump from one man to another..........yep I created my life all by myself.

Posted by Lisa Left Eye Loopylalalalala on Monday, September 24, 2007 at 17:33
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Umpalumpa

She has seriously got them fooled. Again.

Posted by Umpalumpa on Monday, September 24, 2007 at 22:51
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Umpalumpa

FaN_GgiRL
Lisa,

I don't pretend to know the entire story behind all this chaos but this is my two cents of it.

I'd strongly suggest getting to know Peter outside of his blogging and you'll find he's a good, good, good person that deserves a bit of happiness (eccentric as hell but a good person none the less ;)).

He and his entire family have always been nothing but warm and caring to me (especially during Jonny's stressful surgery) and I think you're somehow getting the wrong idea from his blogs. He's quite a liberal man for his age. Heck I know my own dad won't even mention sex in front of me and I'm going to be 30 years old ;) But Peter hasn't a problem blogging about it and just being generally witty about all good things he has to say. He's quite a clever man and his heart is in the right place.

I'm positive his intentions to your mum are only good, good ones and as he seeks his own happiness he also seeks to make your mum a happy lady as well.

You can't deny that two people that want to be happy should be happy right? Your mum is plenty old enough to know what she wants in her life and it appears that would be Peter. and Why not? He's intelligent, has a good heart, has a lovely, caring, warm, big family, etc..etc....

Leave be. Let them live their lives and enjoy the time they have here. And maybe you and your sister try to get to know Peter and his family. I'm positive your life will be all the more blessed afterwards. They are all good people. Sarah, Jonny, Katie, Hayley, etc......it's quite a large lot of lovely folk to get to know ;)

As for Jonny and his anger. Jonny's had a time of it lately (with his surgery, etc...) and he doesn't mean to be angry towards you god knows he's the most polite person I've ever known and I love him for that and more. He's just taking his stance and defending his family as you or I or anyone else would do should we feel someone was threatening our families.

He, like his father, is an equally good man.


No one means any harm to your mum or your family etc...she's in good hands with Peter, I promise you.

Life is WAY too short to bicker and be angry at the people we love! I've no idea what your past is with your mum but look towards a brighter future and enjoy her company. Family and friends are important, try not to overlook how important they are when you're feeling angry.

Posted by FaN_GgiRL on Tuesday, September 25, 2007 at 13:41


They are all at it now. I am posting my 'two cents' on my blog and it WILL be public, so he CAN'T delete it.

Posted by Umpalumpa on Tuesday, September 25, 2007 at 21:38