| My space - is EXACTLY that - mine and I can do whatever I want.
Category: Blogging I made my profile private due to repeated hate mail from a pathetic young man who seems to think it's big and clever to victimise a disabled cancer patient who doesn't know how long they have left to live and will spend the next three to five years waiting for the all too likely recurrence. Apparently for someone who has lost a grandparent (i.e. someone who has lived long enough to actually see their kids grow up AND their grandchildren, something I may not get to do) it is perfectly reasonable to behave in thie way according to his father and my mother. Apparently I have caused all my hurt over the last 30 odd years, myself. So has my sister caused hers. Apparently I deserve the name calling. Apparently I have an "agenda". Here is my agenda: 1. - ignore people who want to hurt me and cause more stress and perpetuate neutropenia 2. - get well enough to have the dreaded last four chemo sessions 3. - recover from chemo sufficiently and hope that the other problems I've been having will not prevent my reversal going ahead. 4. - have a successful reversal with as much quality of life as can be expected having lost so much of my insides 5. - return to work (not full time) 6. - spend as much time as possible with my children 7. - spend as much time as possible staying in touch with friends and family, especially those in Derbyshire who have been such a great support. 8. - NOT get a recurrence in my liver, lungs, bones or brain EVER. 9. - have the ability to get through the next 5 years without panic attacks of thinking another tumour is making itself known at the slightest twinge. 10. - carry on writing about my cancer experience in the hope that it helps more people realise they are not alone, that problems can be over come and it is worth fighting for your life. I didn't want them reading and misquoting or misinterpreting or in fact generally missing the entire point of anything I write, much worse being vain enough to assume everything revolves around them. "You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you.........". I also don't see why my mother should be able to read about my lack of good health if she can't be bothered to respond to my last message, phone (mobile or house), text, write or email, let alone a visit to sort out the hurt she has caused. However my main aim with myspace was to spread the word about colorectal cancer, especially in those of us unfortunate to suffer at such a young age with young children. Due to many requests from people who want to read about my progress, who use my blogs for information and support for others with colorectal cancer I have therefore made my profile public again and blocked the people who I have no wish to communicate with. I do not have to put up with bullying or lies any more. I spent my life doing that, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my years, however short or long surrounding myself with the people who have known me and who love me. I have some very good friends, some of whom I've known for 25 years, though due to not being allowed friends to visit me at home or even allowed to telephone they never met my parents/step-parents until the last year. I spent any time I could at weekends with these friends and was welcomed into their family homes where I at least learned what a healthy loving family looked like. If it hadn't been for these families I don't think I would have managed to bring up two lovely children who are well mannered, loving and most importantly normal - in that they are not ruled by fear. Nor would I have realised that sharing custody of my children with their father was the best thing for them (though certainly not for me) when we split up. All through the pain of growing up knowing things that happened to me were wrong, my friends were there for me, their parents were there for me. Mine weren't. I'd like to say thank you to the people concerned, especially those who I know will be reading this. Thank you for getting me through the really tough times so I could be here today and giving me the will to fight to be here tomorrow. 15:52 - 15 Comments - 8 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove | 
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