2008 Jan 19th - New Year, New Surgery!

19 Jan 2008

Where did the last month go? Category: Life Blimey, I knew I'd not been posting much lately but it's nigh on a whole month ago! So........what's been happening. Well Christmas was.......how can I put this....painful. Emotional. Glad it's over. I stupidly expected that after the last couple of years this one was the one I deserved and that everyone would be happy and it would be great. WRONG. I'll never learn, always build it up to something that it can never be. New Year's Eve was better (see photos) but by 'eck did those tears make themseslves known come midnight. I got through Auld Lang Syne and that was it, flood gates opened. Yes I do hope I have a great year, but I know that there is no magic wand that gets waved at the stroke of midnight to wipe all the fear and worry and current family troubles away. I'm being a bit grumpy about it, actually the night was great. I was with people who cared about me and who I care about and I ate too much and drank even more, even managed to throw a few shapes on the dancefloor. This was despite the horrid painful feet and toes (yeah cheers for that chemo). I only managed one song at a time then had to sit down for two or three, but alcohol did numb it a fair bit. Good old G&T eh? So this year is the final stage of treatment, hopefully. Always with the hopefully, nothing is ever concrete is it? Last week I saw my life saving surgeon who said how much better I was looking and what a difference he could see in me (yeah finishing chemo, amazing what it does for you). He's on hols in March so it was either third week in March......or third week in Feb............no brainer! Surgery is now booked for 22nd February. I don't have to go in the night before and be stabbed to death or starved first, just roll up mid morning and then a short five day stay. He went through the usual risks involved and possible complications and that he may need to open up the whole ten inch wound again if there is scar tissue or adhesions but otherwise, just a two inch scar. I can't wait..........oh hang on........then I get so sit on the loo for hours at a time and my radiated butt already suffers when it's having a clear out of mucous from my colon. Lord knows what sort of pain I'm in for with diarrhoea. I've seen and felt the pain of macerated skin on my tummy (only yesterday in fact) with diarrhoea from my stoma. Eek. Still, means to an end and all that. I'm being spurred on by the upcoming joy of being able to wear anything I want and not worry about leaks all down my front. Faerie, I'm thinking visit to Mancland and a shopping frenzy, what do you reckon? At least I can "nappy up" down there and it's a bit less obvious than a swelling bag when I've eaten onions or been drinking anything fizzy. I'm doing pelvic floor excercises as I write. Less than five weeks to go now! I have a huge stock of skin barrier wipes which I'm hoping will make things a little more bearable. I saw my GP this week and got another type of anti-depressant to add to my rattling stock of drugs. I'm on SSRIs for depression and now tricyclics which he hopes will stop me feeling the pain of the nerve damage which HOPEFULLY (that bloody word again) will be cured by the Pyridoxine. Oh and I confessed he was right about the HRT, I'm doing great on it. I don't know if it's finishing chemo or the HRT or a combination of the two but my hair has gone from straw to soft and silky feeling again. I still have patches of what looks like cradle cap but I can live with that. The only problem being that when I scratch it, because the ends of my fingers are dead as dodos I scratch harder and make it bleed. I've discovered just how damaged my nether regions are by the evil radiation (I say evil, I know it shrunk the tumours and I know it may have prevented a recurrence but by god it's a price to pay). Again there is hope that it may improve, but no guarantees. I saw the Lone Ranger too, my 6 week post chemo check up. Discussed the nerve damage, yeah yeah, hopefully it will be gone, may take a year.........yadda yadda. I'm to have a CEA test (oh and FBC, Us and Es too obviously) every three months and see them for results every three months for the first year, then every six months...........til I get cancer again........doh I mean til I'm five years clear! I told him about the surgery and he was surprised no one has already arranged a scan (they don't really want me having surgery only to find out later I have more cancer and have to go through the whole sorry process again) so he's trying to rush one through in the next three weeks or so. Trying not to think about that. I've been pushing myself a bit too much I think, visiting friends and family all over the country.......well the furthest was Derby but it's a long way for me! I'm now laid up in bed feeling shattered with a thick foggy head, sore and glandy throat and aches and pains. Of course it could just be dehydration, my tongue is constantly cracked like a dry riverbed and I know I'm not drinking enough, I just forget now I'm busy flitting about here there and everywhere. So bed it is this weekend, no visits or visitors, just me and the Skittles curled up in bed (on the bed in his case on the proviso he does NOT wee on it again EVER). Has any one else fallen in to the "yeay chemo is over, lets try and do all the things we couldn't do the last six months all in a few days" trap? Yesterday I went, with Umpa, to have a tour of the local gym with a view to joining for some kind of social life and for me to build up my fitness again, before and after surgery. I was knackered, my throat was sore, I ached and felt lousy but pushed myself (and the poor Umpa) to visit DIY stores YET again to look at lighting for the living room and then went back later to buy some. Why? I've not even got the living room ceiling paper off yet, it's months away from being ready for the lights to be changed but because I CAN I wanted to do it. I'd have been so much better off in bed, resting. Better late than never, I'm off for a snooze now, nanight xxxx

2007 May 21st - Procrastination

Monday, May 21, 2007

Road Tax Refund Category: Life Gosh I'm so rubbish, I've been putting off ringing the DVLA because, well it's just hassle isn't it? I applied for 12 months tax online, realised it was going to my old address so, to avoid MORE police notices bought six months at a post office "yes I know there is an overlap, no it wasn't declared SORN, yes I am sorting it out, now please just give me a disc!". All on Barclaycard - Cancer Card not acceptable online or at the post office, surprisingly..... I applied online on 8th May and should have rung after 5 days (well I mean I've been busy haven't I and erm well I don't always feel like talking on the phone). I rang this morning, felt quite sick as I was put on hold, then got Pulp and "Disco 2000" music so that was OK. Very nice Welsh lady (duh, they're in Swansea) just took my name, house name, postcode and said she'll put a form V33? I think in the post today first class, I fill it in, send it back and they send me a cheque! Cool! It was that easy! I can't explain why it took me so long, or why I was dreading it so much, but since I've been ill this is how things are. I need to make a Dr's appointment to get another sicknote like NOW, but I HATE talking to anyone at that surgery. I mean they never have appointments, you have to ring up at 8.30, eventually get through, only to be told there are no appointments left unless it's an emergency. Well was it an emergency that I had diarrhoea, that I was bleeding, that I was passing mucous, felt tired, felt there was something horribly wrong? At the time I couldn't say those things made it an emergency, I didn't feel I was about to die. However, if I don't get a sicknote I might not get any salary let alone half of it, now not paying the mortgage and being homeless would be an emergency I think...........still I know I am going to have to set my alarm to wake up at 8.15 so I can get on the phone and keep hitting redial for a few days until FINALLY I get an appointment - but the chances of seeing the ONE doctor I know won't be horrid to me are quite small. I think I'll just have to in, in person and see what happens - problem there is I don't actually look ill do I? Maybe tomorrow I'll ring the surgery............and just tell work I "forgot" my other note had run out. Oh and then another day I might be able to face taking that stupid all in one printer scanner copier that just STOPPED working on me....... 12:26 - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

	Hayley	Come on Girly, anyone would think you'd got something to moan about! Buck up and get that printer scanner sorted - as for the Drs appt, get Dorothy on it - I fail to see why it's necessary for you to keep going in for sick notes, do they expect you to suddenly discover you've been cured in between treatment and waiting for op? I get up at 6am your time, do you want me to phone them? Posted by Hayley on Monday, May 21, 2007 at 15:02 [Remove] [Reply to this]

	GlitterGirl....	You're not alone chick...I could procrastinate for England these days!! If it makes you feel better, I am owed loads of money by an insurance co but have been putting off getting the forms filled in for 5 months!! (It involves a trip to the hossie where I had my op...far too traumatic!!) Oh and I am gaily booking post-chemo hols even though I still haven't replaced my sodding passport!! Little known side effect of cancer treatment...not giving a monkeys about anything else!!!! ;o) lots of love L. xxx Posted by GlitterGirl.... on Monday, May 21, 2007 at 15:54 [Remove] [Reply to this]

Caroline

Lisa - i had to get new med cert this week and as I couldn't get an appointment for today the receptionist said that I didn't need to come in for it as I had enough to deal with - she wrote a note for the doctor saying new cert needed for 3 months and hey presto I just walked into surgery to collect it today and sent it recorded delivery to Benefits Agency! Your surgery should be making things easier for you - they know what your diagnosis is and that your having major surgery very soon - you shouldn't need an appointment for sick note. Give it a try when you ring and eventually get through! Posted by Caroline on Monday, May 21, 2007 at 23:29

2006 December 10th

The big P or the big C? Bowel Cancer
Current mood: scared
Category: Life

Well it's two months now since I started making several times daily trips to the loo - and bleeding from where the sun don't shine!

Dr No 1: - heres a sample bottle, we'll test for bugs, probably something you ate.....or a virus.

Results_ - nish. No campylobacter, no salmonella, no e-coli etc. Nothing.

Dr No2: - it's either something you ate or a virus. Drink lucozade and those pro-biotic yoghurt things.

Me: So I shouldn't worry about the constant bleeding and mucous then?

Dr No2: - you can worry all you like but I'm not going to do anything about it.

Hmm, try typing persistent diarrhoea, rectal bleeding, mucous, change in bowel habits into any search engine and every one of them says in a nutshell. GET IT CHECKED OUT, BLOOD IS RED FOR A REASON IT'S A WARNING.

Ok time for
Dr No3: - I think we should take a look, if you don't mind (mind, mind, you mean you're taking me seriously?) I'll get a chaperone.

It's not bleeding haemorrhoids - OK well I knew that, but nice to have it confirmed, there's no obvious signs of what the trouble is. I need to look further up, then if that still shows nothing we'll book you in for a proper look with a camera. I'm not looking for a tumour, but I'm looking for inflammatory bowel disease, or at least trying to eliminate it, you'll feel rubbish until we get you sorted out, but need to be sure before I can treat you.

Great, I don't feel like an idiot, a time waster, attention seeker or hypochondriac. He's a lovely man, also in my humble opinion a bloody decent doctor!

2 weeks later

Following a day of strict bland food and little of it, plain fish, boiled spuds OR bread and plain soup and jelly. Two self administered enemas later (oh what fun going from chemist to chemist clutching a prescription to find some in stock)

Dr No 3: Now it's very unlikely we'll find anything today but if not we can send you for a colonoscopy at the hospital........oh.....I can see a polyp........and it's bleeding.

Me: sobs silently, it's a tumour, it's a tumour.

Most of them are harmless, it's not on a stalk, need to get them all removed so no point wasting time with a barium x-ray (phew) I'll refer you, don't worry if I thought it looked obviously bad news I'd say so.

The nurse was lovely, took blood samples (not anaemia causing constant tiredness and dizziness) and Dr comes back in and very calmly manouvres conversation to music - as if he has all afternoon to chat to me. I leave feeling calmer, but only make it to my friend's house round the corner before panic sets in.

What if it's cancer? Most polyps are benign, even bleeding ones though they're uncommon. 30% of 50+ year olds have them (I'm 36). My diet is good, OK I drink and used to smoke, a lot, for many years. I don't excercise much now but used to walk miles, go to the gym, cycle. I'll started jogging again, when I'm not dizzy. I'm too young.

I see the surgeon who specialises in this area (gut stuff, nice) on Tuesday - more health questions no doubt but hopefully an idea of when I'll have the colonoscopy and if they're small enough, have the polyp(s) removed. If they're benign I should never get bowel cancer, it'll never spread to my lymph nodes or other internal organs and kill me quietly. My family will be checked regularly because of this. Whatever happens someone's life will undoubtedly be protected because I ignored two doctors.

Will keep you informed..........

Well things are "moving" along very fast, though if we're talking about my "movement" they're also pretty fast and frequent, small, multiple and bloody.

Surgeon said he's booked up for two months but wants to see me soon, i.e. in two days. That was today.

Breafast only, then nil by mouth after - arrived at 3.30pm - bp good, general health good. Undressed, enema administered followed by quick dart to the loo, followed by another (pink watery stuff) and then finally when everyone else had gone - I was tagged on to his surgery, it was my turn. Can pad this out later, but it's not a teeny weeny little bobble that can be snared off, but quite lumpy and sprawling (I was watching). I've emptied a few spoonfuls of blood into the toilet so far, as I bled quite a lot after they took biopsies. Hoping the CAT scan he's ordered will be in time to go through the lab results on 9th January. Expect next update then!

Posted by Lisa on Thursday, December 14, 2006 at 20:13